


we fought the world with hands twice tied

by celestial_lights



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: 5 Times, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Introspection, Miscommunication, My Unit | Byleth Has Emotions, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Pre-Relationship, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27376183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestial_lights/pseuds/celestial_lights
Summary: War has a tendency to make things complex and messy. For Byleth, it becomes even more complicated when newfound emotions cloud up what's right in front of her.or, five times Byleth has doubts and one time Edelgard has doubts.(eventual Edeleth, follows general plot of post-timeskip Crimson Flower route, written for the Edeleth Big Bang 2020)
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg & My Unit | Byleth, Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37
Collections: Edeleth Big Bang 2020





	1. capability

Something wasn’t quite right.

As soon as she sat on the Goddess’s chair, and nothing happened, a stagnant silence engulfed the room. It was awkward, being the center of attention while awaiting something that might not even happen.

And then.

Everyone was surrounded by a contingency of soldiers that came out of nowhere, hellbent on raiding the Holy Tomb, led by Edelgard—

_No._

The second those words left her mouth, the revelation that Edelgard was in fact the Flame Emperor, the one that always seemed to be involved in all of the destruction and chaos that had been occurring in the past year _—_

It was entirely too much for Byleth to bear. She willingly attended Edelgard’s coronation as a favor to the newly crowned emperor. Had she known just how deep Edelgard’s plans went, Byleth probably would’ve declined. She noticed a drive for change, bordering on a lust for revenge in Edelgard since the beginning, but no one could’ve predicted this.

Byleth didn’t know who she could trust anymore. Surely the rest of the Black Eagles would stay with her, they seemed to be equally surprised by the raid (bar Hubert, who she was certain was a mastermind in all of this). But between Rhea and Edelgard, Byleth was being pulled in two different directions. Right now, she had to focus on keeping her students safe, on making sure they could make a quick exit without getting gravely injured.

Just when she composed a crude escape strategy, her plans were thrown out the window when Edelgard ordered the Crest Stones be taken from their rightful place. _What was she_ doing _?_

Byleth remembered Rhea telling her of the immense power the Crest Stones held. In the wrong hands, deadly couldn’t even begin to describe the havoc they would wreak. She thought she trusted Edelgard, but now she realized that she needed to get those stones away from her, and fast. If it meant crushing her Imperial regiment, then so be it.

The battle against the Imperial soldiers was quick, decisive. The army put up a strong fight, but against Byleth’s class, they were no match. She was running purely on instinct, shouting out orders left and right as she mentally adjusted her plans according to the tides of battle.

It didn’t even occur to her that she’d actually have to fight Edelgard until the tip of the Sword of the Creator met her former student’s chest. Looking right into her eyes, Byleth didn’t see the piercing gaze she grew used to. Instead, she saw… unease, fear even. Byleth was the first person Edelgard truly opened up to on her own volition, and now she was at the end of her sword.

“Strike her down!” Rhea shouted in the distance.

Her stance faltered, causing her sword to tear a hole in Edelgard’s jabot. She tried to remain resilient, to keep what control she had left, but it felt as if she was being held back by an invisible hand.

She could see the same in Edelgard, her own confidence wavering. It was subtle, but Byleth could see it in her eyes.

Byleth couldn’t kill her.

Not after everything that had happened in the past year. Byleth had taken it upon herself to act as a mentor for Edelgard, to guide her and listen to her concerns. She knew Edelgard opened up to her in ways that she hadn’t with anyone else, not even Hubert. Edelgard had even trusted her enough to take her as witness to her coronation. 

And over time, she had even found herself sympathetic toward Edelgard. 

Byleth had seen her vulnerable side. How her trauma caused suffering that still haunted her. How she was still a teenager that wanted to see change through. Whether her goals were ultimately for some greater good, or merely for revenge, Byleth didn’t know.

Regardless of intent, Edelgard seemed to admire Byleth, both for her skill, but also as a friend, a confidant. That much was clear. As cruel as it sounded, if Byleth could use that to her advantage and side with her, perhaps she could steer Edelgard toward a less bloody war. There was no telling what Edelgard would do if Byleth were opposite her.

What she did know was that Edelgard was also malleable. She had worked closely with the heiress throughout the course of their year together, helping her prepare for when she would inevitably take the throne.

Despite all of this, any decision that Byleth made had to be strategic. Rhea… well, Rhea was certainly not to be trusted in Byleth’s eye. She knew everything Rhea did to her mother, saw how she kept her mother’s body for her own selfish greed. Were Byleth to side with her, she would just be a pawn in a much bigger game that Byleth frankly wanted no part in. She wouldn’t be a tool for someone else’s agenda.

Edelgard had _ambition_. She was ruthless, calculating. She’d do anything to reach her goals.

After all, she was more than willing to stand against Byleth now, sacrificing soldiers by turning them into beasts.

She was going to declare war regardless of what Byleth did.

The idea of fighting a continental war that would shake up everything Byleth knew was a terrifying concept. She had no choice, though. She had to choose a side.

She chose Edelgard.

She had to, because she doubted her.

She doubted Edelgard’s ability to actually win the war she was declaring. Her ambition was far too strong, she needed someone to guide her.

Byleth would be that someone.

Before she even recognized what she was doing, she brought down her blade as she made her way toward Edelgard. Now, she was facing Rhea, the tables completely turned.

Edelgard looked flabbergasted. It was clear that she was desperate and fearful, and certainly hadn’t expected her to actually take her side. Byleth could see her students, still behind Rhea, equally shocked as well. A few looked betrayed, others hopeful. None moved.

Rhea was enraged. Byleth still wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing, but seeing Rhea’s furious expression, she knew that she had just set her fate in stone. There was no going back now.

Both Byleth and Edelgard held their weapons in a defensive stance, waiting on a move from the opposite side.

“How _dare_ you!” Rhea screamed. Byleth had never heard her that angry before. The soft-spoken, motherly figure she had grown accustomed to was no more. She could faintly hear Edelgard murmur something under her breath, but had no time to respond before Rhea entered a tirade of her own, spitting insults and threats toward Byleth. The fact Rhea was able to snap just like that had frightened both of them.

But Byleth had to remain strong.

She had to remain strong, even as the Tomb became enveloped in a blinding light, only to reveal a monstrous dragon in place of where Rhea had stood moments before.

She realized she was now the one looking to Edelgard for assistance. For someone so petrified before, Edelgard appeared steadier, calmer now.

Byleth saw another flash in her periphery, this time accompanied by a chill up her spine and the eerie feeling she was being watched.

“Excellent work, my professor. Truly, we are grateful,” the person behind her said. _Oh_ , she thought. _It was only Hubert._

The three stood by together, facing the dragon-like beast that Rhea had turned into.. 

“Ah, this must be the Immaculate One,” Hubert calmly explained. Byleth turned to him, hoping for any sort of explanation. _The Immaculate One? What does he even mean by that_? she thought.

“Yes, she is their leader. The foul creatures that we are fighting against,” Edelgard said.

It was as if Byleth was frozen in place, unable to move. The rest of her students fled upon Rhea’s transformation, only able to watch from scattered corners of the tomb. The regiment of soldiers Edelgard brought had either fled as well or were simply too injured to fight back.

Rhea reared her head back, clawed feet planted firmly on the stone beneath her. 

“She’s going to attack!” Byleth shouted as loudly as she could over the beast’s growling. Edelgard scanned the room, making sure everyone was accounted for while Hubert eyed an exit.

“Everyone, if you want to live, follow Hubert and I!” Edelgard shouted. “ _Now!_ ”

Byleth couldn’t even look back, because she knew she would be killed if she tried to go back and rescue anyone. She could only hope that they had all made it safely. All she could focus on was following Hubert’s path toward what looked like an inconspicuous wall. Upon reaching the worn-down stone, Byleth turned around. 

_What are they planning, are we cornered?_

At the very least, all of the Black Eagles had made it across the tomb. They were all terrified, but Byleth knew they couldn’t stop now.

“We need to escape, there’s a stairway behind this wall. It’s our only way,” Edelgard explained as Hubert pushed a column aside, revealing the hidden exit Edelgard spoke of. It was a dark, damp corridor, far too small to walk through without crouching, but it was their only hope.

The sound of an explosion rang through everyone’s ears as they ran down the stairwell and outdoors to safety.

* * *

The group ran for what felt like forever, but in reality, it was perhaps only a mile or so. Edelgard and Hubert stopped once they reached a forested area just outside the monastery. 

“We will be safe here for now, the foliage should disguise us. Everyone, we have to keep moving forward. There is an Imperial outpost nearby that has arranged accommodations for us,” Edelgard explained calmly, albeit slightly out of breath. The others were in a similar state, some trying to catch their breath, others sitting on the ground to recuperate.

Everyone seemed confused, Byleth most of all. Although she made this decision on her own accordance, there was a nagging thought at the back of her mind that Edelgard and Hubert were leading them straight to their deaths. They were going to be heading straight into Imperial territory. Despite Edelgard’s promises, the prospect of going to this outpost was concerning.

“We… we’ll be safe there? We won’t be prisoners?” Bernadetta hesitantly asked. Her legs were shaking as she looked up at Edelgard and Hubert.

Hubert nodded. “For the most part, yes, you will be safe. No, you aren’t considered prisoners, you are trusted allies,” he replied matter-of-factly.

 _For the most part_ ? What does that even _mean_?

“Even though we are the children of the nobles your army is fighting against?” Ferdinand asked next. “I cannot be certain that the prime minister’s son will be welcomed there.”

“They follow my direct command, Ferdinand. If I say you are to be trusted, then they are to trust you as one of their own,” Edelgard explained. “I suppose now is an appropriate time to tell you your father’s titles have been stripped as well. We can discuss that later, though.”

Ferdinand’s mouth gaped open at this new (and frankly crucial) information.

Byleth, meanwhile, could only stare on in silence as her students discussed Edelgard’s upcoming plans. The reality of the situation she put herself into suddenly weighed heavy on her shoulders. They were at war now, and the very real possibility that not everyone would make it out alive made itself known. She could very well die here, too. 

_No_. She couldn’t die. She was to be at Edelgard’s side, to be her source of guidance throughout whatever may come ahead. If anything, Byleth needed to stay alive, because without her presence, there was no knowing what Edelgard was capable of. She had already attempted seizing the Tomb’s crest stones to use as weapons. 

She needed to keep her students safe.

There was nowhere for Byleth to turn to, anyway -- she never had a home, and the first place she had considered a home in any sense of the word was no longer an option.

She took in a deep breath. Exhaled.

“We will all stay together. Follow Edelgard and Hubert, it is our only option right now,” Byleth said. She was hesitant, yet she knew she had to remain calm, to be the voice of reason.

Edelgard looked on, grateful for her teacher’s change of heart. She stood tall on her own, but having Byleth by her side, even temporarily, was reassuring.

“Well then, the outpost isn’t too far away,” Edelgard said.

* * *

The encampment was located in what Byleth could only assume were the remains of a razed village. A large stone building in the former town square was the only place occupied by troops. Some Imperial soldiers were surrounding the area, either eating, sorting out rations, or tending to wounds. There seemed to be little in terms of organization, but considering the circumstances, Byleth could understand why.

She needed to speak to Edelgard alone, first and foremost. Byleth wanted to figure out what she currently had planned next. Edelgard always had some of the highest marks on her tactics examinations, and Byleth knew her former role as heiress to the Adrestian throne meant undergoing training independent of her studies at the monastery. But, a second eye wouldn’t hurt, either.

Perhaps she could try making sense of Edelgard’s thought process as well..

Before the group entered the encampment, Byleth signaled for Edelgard to follow her. She caught on immediately, stepping away from the rest of them to follow Byleth. Predictably, Hubert followed. That was fine, Byleth figured. 

“Everyone, if you could please give us a moment,” Byleth explained. The other five Black Eagles nodded in understanding.

The three settled down on a nearby bench outside the building. It was less than ideal to discuss such crucial information out in the open, but she had little choice. Byleth looked around. It was something from her mercenary days she couldn’t break the habit of doing, so she could see the entirety of her surroundings.

Once she saw her periphery was clear, she began speaking. 

“Edelgard,” she said, keeping her voice low. “What exactly is your strategy here?” 

Edelgard laughed, a low chuckle. “Always straight to the point, I see,” she replied. She looked over to Hubert. His gaze was steeled. His gaunt eyes focused on Byleth, analyzing her every move.

For most people, his icy glare alone would cower them into submission, but Byleth paid no mind. She had grown used to his intimidation tactics.

“Well, yes, Edelgard. If I am to aid you in your campaign, I should be kept up to date on our strategy,” she replied, as calm and collected as ever.

“Very well. Our intelligence sources have given us reports that Faerghus plans on allying with the Church of Seiros, which is our main target,” she said as she nudged her hand in Hubert’s direction. “Do you still have the plans we drew up?” she asked him.

“Right here, milady,” Hubert replied, pulling out a folded sheet of parchment from the inner pocket of his coat. He handed it over to Edelgard, who swiftly opened the parchment to reveal a map of Fodlan.

“This will not be easy, since we will most likely be fighting a war on two fronts, three if Leicester decides to get involved,” she pointed a finger at Adrestia, moving it toward Leicester. “Rest be assured, our troops are among some of the most well-trained on the continent, and I can only hope your guidance will heighten our chances at a decisive victory. If you were to join our ranks, I can guarantee you a position as Commander,” Edelgard continued.

Byleth clutched at her knees. She felt an unfamiliar anxiety at the thought of leading an entire army. 

“Well, that’s fine and all, but let’s step back for a moment. What will your very first move be?” she asked. She redirected her thought process so that she could work through this like the practical exams she administered. Except this time, actual lives were on the line.

That particular thought weighed heavy on her.

“We claim Garreg Mach,” Edelgard confidently replied.

Byleth gave a thoughtful nod. “A bold decision, for sure. It would also be quite risky to do so,” she said. 

Hubert cleared his throat to get their attention. “We can presume Rhea will eventually flee the monastery. While it used to be a neutral zone, since we declared war within its walls, the Church will most likely realize the monastery is now fair game. They will anticipate this. They will defend it, likely utilizing our former classmates to do so.”

Byleth thought of all the students at the monastery, of the other two classes she had the potential to teach. She thought back to her originally choosing the Black Eagles, after fleeing Remire. There was no way she could’ve predicted all of this after being suddenly thrust into a professorship. _What would become of the other students,_ she wondered.

There was also the consideration of those that lived in the area surrounding the monastery. 

“Edelgard, what of the villages in the nearby mountains? The people chose to live there because Garreg Mach is neutral territory. It keeps them safe,” Byleth asked.

“If they become collateral damage, then so be it. War is cruel, ruthless, and bloody, Professor. Surely you can understand. I would presume you were the Ashen Demon for a reason.”

Byleth recoiled back in shock. The moniker she picked up years ago, back when she was practically a child, had always seemed to come back to haunt her. She never liked being compared to a demon, just because she was aloof and stoic didn’t mean she was inhuman.

The anxiety from before began creeping back. It was a new feeling, albeit one she was quickly growing used to. Was Edelgard going to use her as well? She was certain Rhea would, had she taken the archbishop’s side, but Byleth still couldn’t get a read on Edelgard..

“That wasn’t my own title, I didn’t exactly embrace it,” was her reply.

Edelgard’s eyes narrowed. “Then, perhaps I misunderstood? As I previously said, I would assume you recognize that casualties are a consequence of warfare. I came to terms with that years ago. If our ultimate goal is achieved, then those casualties would be worth it since they contributed to a better world, no?”

Byleth wanted to scream. She wanted to tell Edelgard _no, that’s not right, I never taught you that_ , but she bit her tongue. 

“If you do not wish to join me, I will surely be disappointed. I cannot stop you, however,” was the last thing Edelgard said before she abruptly stood up. Hubert remained behind, staring off at seemingly nothing in the distance.

He shifted so he was facing Byleth, looking at her with that intense gaze once more.

“You know,” he began. His voice was gravelly, yet quiet. “Her Majesty is having doubts as well. She has her own demons that she chose to battle head-on. She knows of the impact her actions have not only on us, but on every single person that resides on this continent. It,” he leaned forward, elbows perched on his knees, “is a massive weight on her shoulders. Yet, she bears it. She bears it because she believes that she is able to solve the problems plaguing this continent. She believes this would, in fact, minimize civilian deaths. I recommend you keep that thought with you when you are making your decision.”

Byleth’s eyes were wide. Hubert had been intimidating, but she had always held her own against her student. Even the time he had threatened to kill her didn’t strike that same fear she felt now. Although his response remained open-ended, and it gave her an illusion of choice, Byleth knew her decision to go was final at this point. What would she do, run? She couldn’t join another side, nor did she really want to. And she couldn’t go into hiding— her unmistakable mint-green hair would be a dead giveaway anywhere she ran to. Her hair, her eyes, they were unnatural now, _inhuman_ even.

Byleth began thinking again, her anxiety spiraling. Maybe taking Edelgard’s side was wrong. She certainly questioned Edelgard’s moral convictions and her methods. But, what point would she be going too far? How many lives would have to be sacrificed for some ideal they might not even be able to achieve? Just _what_ would Edelgard do, should she win the war? Certainly, demolishing the one neutral, steadfast entity Fodlan had for the past 1000 years would cause more chaos than good. 

Was Edelgard really up to the task? Hell, was _Byleth_ up for the task?

Byleth had to figure out what to do, and fast. If she were to leave, then… the consequences could be deadly for not only her, but her students. She thought of her father, how he would’ve taken this decision. Jeralt had already betrayed the church once, would he have done it again?

 _Would he be disappointed in me?_ Byleth thought, over and over until it practically became a mantra in her head. _No. If he thought I was following my true morals and did what I thought was just, he would’ve accepted it._

But, was she even being guided by her morals? 

Perhaps the best solution - as it always seemed to be - would come from her students.

“I appreciate your insight, Hubert,” Byleth said as she stood up. She had to find them. “I will take it into consideration.”

* * *

The grounds had no official dining hall, just a few tents pitched where soldiers served meager rations to one another.

Byleth approached the growing line, waiting for her own meal. Once she was given a bowl of what seemed to be some sort of cooked wild game with tack on the side, she went further into the tent camp, searching for the rest of her class.

Thankfully, they were all sitting together at a table, as Byleth had expected. Well, all of them except for Edelgard and Hubert.

It was no matter or concern, in fact this would be advantageous. 

Byleth nudged herself into a free space between Dorothea and Bernadetta. Rather than join their conversation, she immediately went to eat her meal. 

Perhaps it was more like devouring. She hadn’t eaten since the morning, and the sun had been down for a few hours now. She only noticed how voraciously she was eating when she heard a familiar cackle.

“Wow, Professor, still eating like we’re back at the monastery, huh?” Caspar asked. 

Byleth looked up, mouth full, only to see her students smiling at her. Petra was trying to hold back a laugh as well.

She immediately gulped down her food and tried to frantically make herself look presentable. “Well. It has been a while since we’ve all had a proper meal,” she coolly replied.

“Ah, you are quite correct. Although, I did not imagine my dinner tonight would be so… _wild_ ,” Ferdinand said.

“What do you mean? This may be ‘wild’, as you are to say, but it is still good,” Petra commented. 

Before anyone could get to bickering and having a commotion, Byleth raised up her open hand. It thankfully quieted everyone down, just as it would have back in the classroom.

“I would like to hear from all of you,” Byleth said.

“About the food?” Caspar asked. Linhardt glared at him and gave him an annoyed nudge.

“No. About joining the Imperial Army. We _are_ aware of what it means for us to do this, correct? Edelgard plans on invading Garreg Mach. We will be fighting against former students,” Byleth clarified.

The small group fell silent. Byleth always had a way of getting straight to the point, even if it meant being blunt and cold.

“Ah, I suppose so,” Linhardt commented indifferently. “I mean, I think almost all of us could say we saw this coming from a mile away. After all, our parents - aside from Dorothea and Petra - were actively involved in the conspiracy against Edelgard’s father, whether it be supporting or opposing him.”

“I will have to agree with Linhardt on this one. It was certainly inevitable. I fought with the concept myself quite frequently, especially since coming to the Academy,” Ferdinand replied. “I knew that I had to go against my father. It was going to happen sooner or later. I suppose this is ‘sooner’, in that case.”

Again, silence fell among the group, a few of the students nodding in agreement.

“Yeah, I didn’t really talk much with my father since I started at the Academy, but I’m pretty sure him and Linhardt’s father still support the Emperor- or uh, is it Empress now? You know what I mean,” Caspar interjected.

“What I think he is trying to say is that Edelgard has allies within the Empire. We certainly have the military on our side,” Linhardt said as he leaned back and yawned. 

“Edelgard will provide refuge for us as well, there is no reason as to why she would not protect us otherwise,” Ferdinand said.

Dorothea looked on at the group, pensive and deep in thought. Petra noticed this, and nudged her shoulder gently.

“Was there something you have been wanting to say?” Petra asked her.

“Well, um, yes, actually. I can’t say I have the same know-how as the rest of you, but I can tell you this, Professor: Edie really cares about you. I mean, she’s always talking about you, how she looks up to you, this and that. I know it doesn’t matter too much in the grand scheme of things, but I really think that if you stay by her side, we’ll all come out of this a little better. You’re like her rock,” Dorothea said. 

Linhardt groaned, seemingly in disgust. “Oh for the love of-- are we really bringing up her schoolgirl crush on Professor?” he said, pointedly looking at Byleth, who was _mortified_ that others came to the same realization she did. “With all due respect, Professor, our decision should be strategic, not based on our leader’s… eugh, _romantic impulses_.”

Byleth tried her best to keep her face from flushing, to remain her usual stoic self. She didn’t really want to go down this route. Of course, her relationship with Edelgard was purely based on mentorship - for Byleth to do otherwise wouldn’t be appropriate. 

She supposed the signs were there right in front of her (and by extension, the rest of the Black Eagles) -- Edelgard would always ask to have tea with her, or stay after classes for extra tutoring. Byleth initially took it as her being both an heiress and house leader, and that she was merely setting an example for the others in her class. 

After a certain point, however, Byleth realized that being studious was only part of it, that Edelgard had genuinely wanted to spend time with her. It was the first time Byleth allowed someone beside her father to grow close to her. She had no idea about any romantic intentions at first, if they were even there from the beginning, but it became more obvious as time went by.

“Um, Professor?” a timid voice asked, breaking Byleth from her line of thought. Bernadetta peeked her head out from where she was crouched down behind Ferdinand.

“Yes, Bernadetta?” Byleth asked.

“Well… what do _you_ think about all of this?” Bernadetta asked. “We gave our opinions, but you’re still the one guiding us. Well, um, hopefully, I guess. Please stay with us,” she said.

That was what made Byleth realize she still had a responsibility here, a responsibility to lead and guide her students, even though she supposed they technically weren’t her students anymore.

She had thought about the situation at hand more than enough since she came back from Edelgard’s coronation. It seemed as if now was the time to make a final decision.

Byleth took a deep breath. 

“I think… I think that strategically, it would be safest for us to stand by Edelgard for the time being,” she said before pausing once more. “Er, rather, it is the most feasible option at the moment. If any of you wish to do otherwise, I recommend you leave now. I will take full responsibility and handle any fallout from her.”

Everyone at the table looked at each other, concern etched in their expressions. It was a monumental decision, and a massive commitment, but they all knew deep down it was what needed to be done.

“However,” Byleth began again. “This portion does not leave this table. I… I think we need to keep Edelgard in check. We all saw what she is capable of doing in the Holy Tomb today. I don’t doubt that she could end up doing far worse if we aren’t there to guide her. If we are to go down this path, I want all of you to make sure Edelgard keeps her final goal in mind, and that she does not stray from it.”

Stagnant silence filled the air. The fire, once roaring, was now only smoldering embers that highlighted the uncertainty on everyone’s face.

“Understood?” 

“O-of course. We all need to care for Edie,” Dorothea said, less boisterous than earlier.

“Yeah, even though she’s the emperor, she’s still our friend first!” Caspar enthusiastically replied.

Ferdinand looked at the two, then stood up with a flourish and flip of his bangs. “I suppose she needs someone to keep her humble,” he said.

Linhardt rolled his eyes. “As if you know what humility is,” he grumbled. “Regardless, you do make a valid point, Professor.”

“Yes, I can be for certain that Brigid will remain safe if I am able to be working with Edelgard,” Petra chimed in.

“I- I don’t know how I can help, but I’d r-rather be here than back with my parents,” Bernadetta said.

Byleth breathed a sigh of relief. At least she had her students on the same page with some semblance of a plan in place.

“Okay, good. We will stay here overnight and wait for Edelgard’s further instruction. Is that agreeable?” Byleth asked.

Everyone nodded an affirmative ‘yes’.

The group thinned out, until it was only Dorothea and Byleth.

Byleth poked at the embers, hoping to keep the fire ignited just a bit longer. She noticed that Dorothea looked forlorn, her head resting in her hands while she appeared to be in deep thought.

“Are you doing all right?” Byleth asked.

Dorothea looked up in surprise, then laughed. “I should be asking you that,” she responded.

“Perhaps so,” Byleth said, still staring at the embers. “...May I ask you a question?”

“Of course, what is it?” Dorothea asked, puzzled.

Byleth sighed. Giving up on the fire, she shifted in her seat with unease. “When you were talking about Edelgard earlier…” she began, only to stop because she really didn’t know what she had wanted to ask her. _Who else knew? Did people think I was acting strange because of how close she was to me? Did people think I was strange regardless?_

Many questions lingered in her mind, born out of what was perhaps a morbid curiosity. Byleth was only starting to realize her own emotions for what they were. It was… overwhelming, to say the least.

Dorothea’s eyes flew open in shock. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know about Edie’s feelings until now,” she said.

“Dorothea, I may be clueless when it comes to romance, but I am still rather perceptive,” Byleth retorted. “I am… not sure what it is I want to ask, though. All I know is that it has been bothering me.”

“Bothering you _how_?” Dorothea asked. She twirled one of her curls around her finger as she spoke, more out of habit than anything.

“I think… you and the other students talking about it bothered me. Knowing that others knew. It’s a rather embarrassing situation,” Byleth said.

“Oh, Professor... “ Dorothea said, almost sounding like she _pitied_ Byleth. “Is this the first time you’ve had to deal with these sorts of romantic feelings?” 

Byleth shook her head. “No, I mean, I’ve had… my fair share of admirers, I suppose you could call them,” she started, before Dorothea interrupted her once more.

“Is it because Edie’s, well, a girl?” Dorothea asked.

Byleth’s face flushed. “I… no?” she replied. She was becoming increasingly frustrated. This wasn’t how she wanted this conversation to go, because she was confident she didn’t have any feelings for Edelgard. She was her _student_ , it would be wrong, it would be a blatant abuse of power. Byleth wasn’t like that, her students trusted her and looked up to her. To pursue a romantic relationship with one… well, that was simply out of the question, even if she _wanted_ to in the first place.

Dorothea smirked. “Well, then tell me. How do _you_ feel about Edie?” she asked, deviousness evident in her tone. She was certainly up to something.

“She is my student. I am her professor and mentor, nothing more,” Byleth immediately said, as if she had practiced the line before. Which wasn’t far from the truth, she had prepared herself to say that if any of the faculty noticed something amiss, if anything, to defend her own reputation.

“Sure,” Dorothea said, dripping with sarcasm. “Professor. Edie’s an adult, and while it looks like you’ll be advising her from now on, those old boundaries are no longer there. It’s okay if you reciprocate her feelings, you know.”

“This isn’t an opera or a romance novel, Dorothea. I can say with full honesty that I do not have any… _feelings_ for Edelgard.”

Dorothea stood up, shaking any dirt loose from her tattered uniform skirt. “Okay then, I believe you. But Professor?” she asked. Byleth nodded in acknowledgment. 

“As harsh as Edie can be, she is pretty sensitive. She has the same complicated feelings and emotions we all do. If it comes to the point you have to face this issue head-on with her, just… please be gentle about it,” she said. “I worry about her. I think we all do.”

This conversation began to sound familiar to Byleth. It was the same sentiment Hubert had shared with her earlier in the day. Edelgard, despite her callous precision on the battlefield, was still human, too. 

This was uncharted territory for Byleth, a path she’d have to tread cautiously. Thankfully for her, Dorothea appeared to have caught on to her worries.

“Despite everything that happened today, she’s just like the rest of us,” Dorothea said. “Speaking of, I’m going back to camp to get some rest. Good night, Professor.”

It seemed as if Byleth had quite a lot to mull over. What did it even mean, to be human? Were emotions really that difficult for others to comprehend? Byleth, in all her life, never really had the chance to just _feel_. This past year at the monastery had given her the chance to finally open up, and to finally be human herself. In a way, she understood what Edelgard was going through.

Their first battle would be approaching soon, as soon as Edelgard deemed them ready to claim Garreg Mach. Byleth couldn’t help but wonder what would come next, who she’d have to fight against. 

For now, all she could do was place faith in herself and her students and hope for the best.


	2. allies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings at the end of the chapter.

Five years had passed.

Five years had passed, but to Byleth, it was like the blink of an eye. 

She had last remembered being engaged in battle at the monastery, then a blinding flash of light, the sensation of free falling, then -- nothing.

As soon as she gathered her bearings after waking up ( _ Waking up, or coming back from the dead? _ , she thought), Byleth headed straight to the monastery on pure instinct. Even though the villager she had spoken to thought she was insane (hell, even she began to think she was insane herself), she  _ needed  _ to know her students were okay. They made a promise to stay alive and meet up again, after all.

Of course, Edelgard was a part of that group. What had become of the emperor? How far had she gotten in achieving her goal? Was the war even still going on?

All sorts of questions swirled through Byleth’s mind as she reached the former monastery’s gates. Upon trying to enter, she was immediately stopped by a uniformed guard.

“State your business,” the man said, tall and imposing over Byleth.

Byleth’s eyes widened.  _ Of course they’d think I don’t belong, I probably look like a wreck.  _

She brushed dirt off of her arms, then crossed them underneath her chest. “Is the Emperor here?” she asked.  _ Might as well get straight to the point. _

The guard laughed. “My, what a bold young lady you are. I’m afraid Her Majesty doesn’t take an audience for any straggler that comes through, especially one that walks straight into her war camp,” he said, reaching for the sword at his hilt.

She reached for the Sword of the Creator as well, preparing for a fight, until she was stopped by yet another guard.

“Wait!” they shouted. Jogging up to the first guard, they gaped at Byleth in awe.

“P-professor?” they asked. “Is… is it really you?” 

Although the first guard initially scoffed, the new guard dismissed him. “I got this, she was a professor at the academy when I was their gatekeeper, we were to immediately take her to Her Majesty were she to be found. Oh, I can’t believe it’s really you!” he said excitedly.

Byleth gave a warm smile at the familiar face. “Thank you. Now, am I correct to assume Her Majesty is here?” She asked.

“Yes, oh, she’ll be beyond excited to see you alive and well!” 

Upon realizing the other guard was still gawking at them, the gatekeeper immediately scrambled, facing straight forward. “I mean, at once, Professor.”

* * *

“Last we checked, Her Majesty was within what was formerly the Archbishop’s chambers, she does spend a lot of time there…” the gatekeeper pondered aloud while he led Byleth through the monastery grounds. She noticed some familiar faces look at her in surprise or even wave at her, most of them being groundskeepers and servants she had come to know. She waved politely at those that recognized her.

Although they had walked nearly the entire length of the monastery at this point, she didn’t see any signs of her former students.

The gatekeeper continued on after he directed Byleth past the former student dormitories and up the nearby stairwell. 

“I believe Her Majesty kept your quarters intact in the hopes you’d return, we can definitely head back there later, if you want… Oh! Excuse me, is Her Majesty in the upper chambers at the moment?” he asked a nearby guard, who nodded an affirmative. “Excellent, thank you.”

Byleth could feel the butterflies in her stomach start to ramp up at the prospect of seeing Edelgard again. Although no time passed for her, 5 years  _ had  _ gone by. Did she look different? Sound different? Would she be mad at her?

“You are allowed to go in. I’ll leave the both of you alone,” the gatekeeper said as he gave Byleth a knowing smirk.

His teasing certainly didn’t ease Byleth’s nerves, in fact it made them worse, but she stepped in regardless. 

The chambers overall remained the same as Byleth had remembered them, aside from the eerie silence that now seemed to consume it. The only noise was the echoed  _ clack _ of Byleth’s heels against the tiled floor. Looking at the high ceilings, she noticed the stained glass windows and carved stone columns were just as she had remembered them to be.

She immediately went for the more secluded chambers off to the left of the main corridor. 

It was there she saw Edelgard for the first time in five years. The young emperor, previously engrossed in a leatherbound notebook, glanced up at the source of the noise and nearly spilled the nearby inkpot in shock.

Edelgard was dressed down in a simple red gown with golden accents at the collar and waist — elegant enough to perform her duties but far from her normal regalia.

She immediately stood up and hugged Byleth tightly. Words failed her. Instead, she held on tight while Byleth slowly reached her own arms around Edelgard, albeit with a slight hesitance.

“Please… tell me it’s really you. Is this real? I searched everywhere and never found a trace,” Edelgard murmured into Byleth’s shoulder. Then, she leaned back, taking in Byleth’s appearance. 

“My teacher... What have you been doing all this time? Where have you been?” she asked. Edelgard looked desperate, almost as if she were pleading with Byleth. Although her face had changed, her features sharper and more defined, her eyes still held that same determination they did five years prior.

“I… I don’t know what happened to me,” Byleth replied.

Edelgard only held on tighter. “How can you not know? Do you have any idea how guilty I felt? How broken my heart was?” she cried, her voice cracking as she tried to hold back tears.

The entire situation was more awkward than anything for Byleth. Of course, she remembered nothing of her disappearance. While she couldn’t bear to imagine what her absence was like for her former classmates, especially Edelgard, being overwhelmed with such strong…  _ affection  _ was entirely new to Byleth.

She let Edelgard have her moment. It was the least she could do to make it up to her.

“I’m just so happy you’re safe. I tried to do my best, leading and fighting on my own, but it’s been such a hard path to walk alone,” Edelgard continued, calmer than before. She pulled back from the embrace, straightening out the skirt of her dress as she did so. “If you want, I can ensure your quarters are ready. I sent the Strike Force out on a training mission today, but they’ll be so happy to see you when they get back…” she trailed off. Her lips pursed as her gaze shifted from Byleth toward the ground in front of her.

“Edelgard?” Byleth hesitantly asked. 

Just as quickly, Edelgard snapped out of her thoughts. “Sorry, I was just thinking. You… still want to do this with us, right? You’ll still stand by me?” she asked, fearful of the answer she’d receive.

Somehow, the answer came easier than it had the first time, five years ago. “Yes, I will,” Byleth responded. Maybe she was still slightly out of it, but Byleth felt like she was needed here more than anything.

Edelgard was positively elated. Her face lit up and she grinned. “Thank you, oh thank you,” she said. “Why don’t you take tonight to rest, and we can catch up in the morning? It’s not like we’re in a hurry.”

As Byleth continued to take in her surroundings, knowing this was her new reality, she wondered what Edelgard meant with that last sentence.

  
  


* * *

It was early the next morning, after Byleth got the chance to bathe and get a well-deserved night’s rest. She never really thought she’d miss her tiny dormitory-style room at the monastery, but even she surprised herself when she had fallen asleep almost immediately after laying on her old bed. She hadn’t even gotten the chance to drink the tea she had made for herself.

“Is it to your liking, Professor?” Edelgard asked. 

An early morning teatime with Edelgard would more than make up for it, though.

Byleth hummed thoughtfully. “Yes, it’s rather refreshing to sit and have a moment of downtime with a well-steeped cup.”

Edelgard smiled. “I must agree. I- ah, I made it myself,” she said.

“Oh? That’s a pleasant surprise. Did you make your favorite tea? Bergamot, was it?” Byleth asked.

Edelgard hid her growing flushed cheeks behind her teacup. “You remembered. I actually made something else today though, that is, if you don’t mind.”

Byleth chuckled. “Of course. I’ll just have to guess what it is, then.,” she said. She blew on her cup of tea, trying to gauge the temperature before taking a hesitant sip. The familiar taste, soothing with floral undertones, warmed Byleth up. The cup was steeped to near perfection, immediately reminding her of the many afternoons she and Edelgard shared discussing classes and strategies in the academy’s gardens.

“Chamomile?” Byleth guessed, curious.

“Mm, yes,” Edelgard replied. “I’ve found myself drinking it more often lately for some reason. It’s rather calming.”

“Well, this is excellent, Edelgard, I have to thank you again,” Byleth said.

“You’re welcome. I… am just glad that you are safe, and that you came back to me,” Edelgard said, voice growing quieter.

Byleth mindlessly scratched her head. “I don’t recall much of what happened. I also don’t know what has happened on your end in my… absence,” she said, careful with her choice of words. “Care to fill me in?” she then asked.

Edelgard smiled. “Of course, my teacher. After the first battle at Garreg Mach…”

* * *

“...which leads us to our current situation,” Edelgard finally finished. Byleth finished her cup of tea with a final sip -- it was now cold.

Edelgard must have noticed her grimace, because she reached for the teapot centered in between them. “I can heat this up, or steep a fresh pot, if you would like,” she said.

Byleth reached toward the teapot. “No worries, I got it,” she said. As she hovered her hand over the teapot, Edelgard could faintly see magical energy emanating from it. After a moment, it was gone, and Byleth poured herself another cup of tea as she normally would.

The tea in the cup was steaming.

“Oh, I would’ve never thought of that,” Edelgard noted.

Byleth chuckled. It was rare for her, for laughter to come so easily, she noticed _. _ “Well, when you have tea with your students on a daily basis, you pick up on little tricks. Now, you were saying?” she asked.

It took all of Edelgard’s willpower not to stammer. “R-right. Hubert and I are to meet with my uncle on our way to our next planned objective. I believe you will find this an opportune time to get caught up with our placement and objectives thus far,” she explained.

Byleth put another sugar cube in her cup of tea as she nodded. “I see. Your uncle…?” she asked. She vaguely remembered Edelgard talking about her relatives at some point in the past, but the details were lost on her.

Edelgard sighed, seemingly frustrated. “Ah, of course. My uncle, Volkhard von Arundel, is a lord within Adrestia. He has…  _ kindly  _ agreed to aid us in the war efforts. He’s an ally of sorts, for now at least.”

Although Byleth remained suspicious about this mysterious relative, she remained quiet, continuing to listen to Edelgard.

“As I was saying. Now that you are here with us again, I believe we will finally have the capabilities to invade Leicester territory,” Edelgard responded.

Byleth looked at her quizzically. “I apologize again for interrupting, but what will we accomplish by going into the Alliance?” she asked. Byleth couldn’t see a genuine need to cross their territory when their main problem lay with the Church and Faerghus.  _ Was Edelgard overtly doing this to assert her authority? To gain the upper hand?  _ Byleth thought. She found herself staring into her cup of tea, already questioning where this plan was going.

Edelgard sipped her tea again before carefully putting the cup down. She crossed her knees, gently resting her hands atop them. Although she was dressed in a more casual gown, she still wore opera-length white gloves. It intrigued Byleth just as much as the plans they were discussing.

“If you may recall, House Reigan is the leading house within the Alliance. Unfortunately, they have actively taken a stance against the Empire, although the other noble houses are divided on the issue. It appears as if Claude, that is, Duke von Reigan, is keeping his own house on one side while purposefully obfuscating the intentions of the Alliance as a whole,” she carefully explained.

Most of what Edelgard had said flew over Byleth’s head at the mention of the new head of House Reigan, and thus the Alliance itself. “So, we will have to most likely fight Claude, then,” she stated plainly.

Edelgard shook her head. “Unfortunately, unless he backs down, it appears to be that way. We will have to be extremely cautious when it comes to him. My hope is that with him and Reigan out of the picture, Gloucester will step up and surrender to us.”

_ Out of the picture _ . Byleth wasn’t entirely sure what she had meant by that, but she couldn’t help but jump to conclusions. It felt surreal to Byleth, having her former student speak so clinically about possibly killing her former classmate. 

_ No, they aren’t students anymore _ , she reminded herself.  _ They have been training for this moment. This is what you were preparing them for, whether you realized it or not. Tensions have been building for decades, this was inevitable. _

Byleth realized she must have been visibly uncomfortable, because Edelgard then gave her a curious look. “Is everything okay, my teacher?” she asked.

Byleth nodded. “Yes, it is… merely a lot to take in.”

Edelgard hummed, taking her words into consideration. “Of course. I do not expect you to be completely caught up right away. After all, you just came back to us,” she said. Byleth couldn’t help but notice her voice crack at the end of her sentence. Her disappearance must have really impacted the normally unwavering emperor.

The disconnect between how she talked about Claude versus how she talked about Byleth was telling, though. It unnerved Byleth, how much Edelgard put her on a pedestal, while she would be completely indifferent at best toward her former classmates that she pitted herself against.

“Yes, your understanding is very much appreciated. Please, do tell me more about what you have planned.”

Edelgard stood up from her seat and walked over to her desk. Byleth noticed it was far more cluttered now than it had ever been during her academy days. This didn’t seem to bother Edelgard though, as she immediately reached for a small leather-bound journal among the mess of papers.

The emperor sat down once more, flipping through the book until she stopped at a page toward the middle. It appeared to be a hand-drawn map, from what Byleth could see from her seat.

“Our next objective in order to ensure our invasion of Leicester goes smoothly will be to capture the Great Bridge of Myrddin. It is a critical location, as it is a crucial link between Adrestia, Leicester, and Garreg Mach as well. If we capture it, not only do we have a straightforward path toward the capital, but we also have control over a major trade route. 

“As for Arundel, he will be waiting for us at an undisclosed location along our route to Myrddin. I unfortunately do not have any further details. He… tends to operate in the shadows,” Edelgard carefully explained, occasionally pausing to gauge Byleth’s reaction.

Byleth looked on, attempting to process this further deluge of information. This Lord Arundel figure seemed incredibly suspicious. Was it truly worthwhile to trust a man who wouldn’t even disclose the purpose of a meeting to his supposed ally, merely because said ally was related by blood? It wasn’t a sound strategy by any means.

“Edelgard… pardon me for a moment, but are you certain we can trust Lord Arundel?” Byleth cautiously asked.

Edelgard could only sigh. She looked defeated as she slowly closed the journal she had been holding. She looked up at Byleth, exhaustion evident in her eyes. “In all honesty… no. We share a common enemy in the Church of Seiros. Beyond that, we are nothing alike. Fortunately, I have been able to rein him and his troops in, but I do not know for how long,” she said, careful about her choice of words and the information she gave to Byleth.

“I can keep an eye on him and his soldiers, if you’d like-”

“No. That is out of the question. Any issue with him is to be dealt with by myself and Hubert only. It is too risky otherwise,” Edelgard interrupted.

This only confused Byleth further. So, not only was Arundel acting suspiciously, but so was Edelgard when it came to him. The idea of Edelgard hiding plans from Byleth briefly crossed her mind. It wouldn’t be something that would necessarily surprise her, per se, but it was troubling nonetheless. She had sincerely hoped Edelgard could finally be transparent with her, but it seemed like that merely wasn’t the case.

“Very well, I suppose,” Byleth remarked. She glanced around the room once more, trying to find something to spark conversation. As she noticed previously, the small, cramped room was cluttered. Not only were there papers and books on Edelgard’s desk, but every nook and cranny from the shelves to her bed was equally messy. It was a far cry from the Edelgard Byleth remembered while teaching - five years ago, she at least kept her array of books organized.

It seemed as if Edelgard noticed Byleth staring as she looked at the other woman with confusion. “Oh, I see you’re looking at all of my papers. I do apologize for the…  _ state _ of my quarters, but as you can imagine, things have been extremely busy for myself,” she said.

Byleth shook her head and smiled back. She knew Edelgard was trying to change the subject, but she played along regardless. “No, I understand. Is there anything I can do to help ease your burden?” she asked. 

“Just having you back by my side is more than enough,” Edelgard immediately said, before she covered her mouth with her gloved hand in surprise. Byleth could faintly see her cheeks turn pink in embarrassment.

“I- I mean…” she then stammered.

It appeared as if Edelgard had gotten a bit scatterbrained in Byleth’s absence.

“It is quite alright, Edelgard,” she said as she tried to quickly figure out how to diffuse the situation. “I understand my being here would certainly boost morale for you and the rest of the Black Eagles.” 

Byleth thought back to her former students and how elated they were to see her back the night prior. It gave her hope, seeing that all of them survived thus far and were still fighting with Edelgard. Knowing that was reassurance enough for the time being.

* * *

It was a little under a week before Edelgard, Hubert, and Byleth were due to meet with Arundel, so they were preparing their caravan in advance. Edelgard didn’t divulge many details about the meeting, but Byleth could guess that the information to be discussed would be highly critical to the war effort, judging by the measures they had taken in disguising their caravan. To the average person, it looked like any merchant’s caravan, slightly dirtied up and most likely in need of repair. 

“Edelgard, where exactly are we heading?” Byleth asked as she threw another rucksack of supplies into the caravan. Edelgard, who was speaking to Hubert and one of the soldiers escorting them, looked toward Byleth.

“We are expecting to meet alongside the Airmid River, most likely within Bergliez territory. It will be a two day trip to get there at most,” Edelgard said. Her brows furrowed. “Before you ask, the others are staying behind until we give them the go ahead to advance toward Myrddin. We should be safe for the time being. Our successes have been negligible as of recently, and we seem to be at a bit of a stalemate.”

Byleth nodded. “I see,” she replied. As she mulled this over, Hubert cleared his throat.

“Professor. Would you be so kind as to come with me for a moment? I must speak with you privately,” he said. Although Edelgard looked at him curiously, clearly not expecting this, she did not seem to object. Byleth looked at Edelgard, who only raised her eyebrows in equal confusion.

“Very well,” she said, walking to Hubert. Byleth wasn’t entirely sure what his intentions were, and if she were being honest, she felt fear bubble up within her ( _ such a strange feeling _ , she thought), but she refused to let her guard down.

Once the two reached an outcropping far from the others, but not outside of their line of sight, Hubert stopped Byleth by holding his arm out in front of her.

She immediately tensed up. “Is something the matter?” she asked.

Hubert’s face looked rather grim. She could sense… apprehension, perhaps? It wasn’t exactly an expression she saw on Hubert often. It seemed a bit odd.

“Since it is apparent Her Majesty won’t divulge this information, I suppose the responsibility lies with me,” he began.

If anything, this only made Byleth more confused. “I’m afraid I don’t follow,” she hesitantly replied.

“Fine. I will be blunt. How much do you know about Lord Arundel?” he asked.

Byleth mulled over the question, briefly recalling her prior conversation with Edelgard. “Edelgard had told me he was her uncle, and an influential lord in Adrestia. That’s unfortunately where my knowledge ends,” she replied.

Hubert  _ tsked _ . “About as much as I expected her to tell you, then. What I am about to tell you, you will not let Her Majesty know it came from me. Arundel is a twisted, cruel man. Yes, he is a lord, but he also was regent of the Empire until Lady Edelgard took power. From that position, he led the ones that were responsible for much of the upheaval within the monastery’s walls during our time there. I’m certain you remember Solon and Kronya? They were among his subordinates as well,” he said, gauging Byleth’s reaction.

It felt as if someone had pulled the rug out from under Byleth at this revelation. Blindsided, it took all of her strength to remain calm. The implications behind Hubert’s statement had managed to completely upend everything Byleth thought she knew. She thought back to Tomas, to Flayn’s kidnapping, to her father -- all of it, and Edelgard worked with the mastermind behind it all.

She willingly brought her students into  _ this _ ? Why couldn’t Edelgard tell her this herself? Why was she being so secretive?

_ What was she planning? _

“I see you are quite perturbed. I… I understand, Professor. It is quite a lot to take in at once. Neither Her Majesty nor myself are pleased with this arrangement, either, but we require his forces to win this war,” Hubert said.

“But… Kronya, Monica, whichever it is… she was the one that-” Byleth couldn’t finish her sentence. She could feel her hands trembling and her breathing quicken. Her father _ … did Edelgard know they were going to kill him? _

Hubert could only nod solemnly. “Yes. From the bottom of my heart, please believe us when I say we were just as appalled and disturbed as everyone else. I could not, in good conscience, force you to meet with him without disclosing this information to you.”

Byleth tried to distract herself by fiddling with the closures of her armor, anything to stop her mind from jumping to its inevitable conclusion. If she didn’t have something to focus on, she felt as if she would most likely end up taking out her anger on Hubert, something she knew wouldn’t benefit anyone.

“If it helps, we were both appalled at the circumstances surrounding your father’s death. I can tell you we were in no way involved with that. Her Majesty would have never let them, had she known.”

Although Hubert’s words seemed surprisingly genuine, she would have much rather heard it coming from Edelgard herself. 

Suddenly, he was behind Byleth, talking into her ear quietly enough so no one else could possibly hear. “You did not hear any of this from me, though,” he said, sending a shiver down Byleth’s spine.

Right, so this was something that was  _ definitely  _ information she shouldn’t be knowing about.

Although the pieces slowly began coming together for her, it still left her not knowing  _ why  _ Edelgard didn’t want her to know about this. Certainly she would understand the truth was more important than Byleth’s feelings.

* * *

“I take it you had a safe trip?” Arundel asked Edelgard as she dislodged a rucksack from inside the caravan. He had scoffed when he first saw her helping with the convoy, saying that  _ we have soldiers for a reason, you are an Emperor _ , but Edelgard decidedly ignored him. It was one thing she could rebel against without any actual consequences.

Byleth wasn’t sure what to think of this Arundel figure, now that she finally got to meet him face-to-face. He was an intimidating man for sure, with his towering height and sharp features, but Byleth had met far, far worse. He seemed to pay no mind to anyone but Edelgard, even ignoring Hubert when the mage would occasionally interject. She also noticed the way his eyes would be constantly scanning his surroundings, as if he were to be ambushed at any second.

Strange, but certainly not the worst, Byleth reminded herself once more. She figured she’d take a moment to survey the area as well. Much like Edelgard had told her before, they were in a forested area, a ways away from the Airmid River that they used as their guide.

It was this point Byleth realized he didn’t come alone, either. Hooded figures flanked his sides, seemingly guarding him, while another man, just as tall, if not taller than Arundel, stood a few yards away. The mysterious man walked closer, until Byleth recognized his long blonde hair and lanky figure-

“I see Jeritza will be joining us as well,” Edelgard noted just as Byleth herself recognized the former professor.

“Of course we will have one of our best Imperial generals on this campaign, don’t be foolish,” Arundel snapped back. “I do expect you to continue to control him though. We can’t have him killing our own soldiers because he cannot control his bloodlust.”

The fact he conflated  _ bloodlust  _ with  _ our best  _ did not go unnoticed by Byleth. So that was the type of man Arundel was.

Edelgard huffed. “Uncle, Jeritza does not need to be  _ controlled _ . As you just said yourself, he’s one of our best generals,” she retorted.

“Might I remind you who it was that let you take him on in the first place? See to it that he does his job correctly. We have a war to win, he can’t be tormenting every soldier he comes across.”

Byleth watched this conversation go on from a distance, utterly perplexed by the two. It was clear Edelgard, and most likely Hubert as well, had hidden quite a lot from her during their time at the Academy. 

Speaking of, Byleth cast her gaze back to Jeritza, only to find him  _ glaring  _ at her. He didn’t seem to notice the two talking about him, rather, all of his focus was on Byleth. Maybe Arundel actually had a point, because if looks could kill, Byleth would probably be dead ten times over by now.

Still, while she found this  _ odd  _ as well, it didn’t bother her all that much. She was rather used to Jeritza’s more unpleasant behaviors from when they taught side-by-side. What had bothered her far more was the way that Arundel was talking down to Edelgard, as if he were still her regent. As if he were the Emperor himself.

“I expect you to be able to immediately take Myrddin, Edelgard. I will be entrusting you with two of my battalions to complete this objective. Do not squander this opportunity,” Arundel said. He then looked pointedly at Byleth. 

“I see you promoted your teacher to a head tactician. I would hope she can gain the upper hand and actually get this war into motion, in that case.”

Edelgard never faltered at his intimidation tactics -- she looked him in the eyes as she absorbed the information given to her, nodding occasionally, just as she was taught to do.

Byleth, however, wasn’t going to be subservient.

She sauntered up to Arundel, until she was well within his personal space. She glared at him, a skill she had perfected over the years to intimidate even the strongest of men. Both Edelgard and Hubert could only watch on with unease, hoping that Byleth wouldn’t end up further straining their already-tense relationship.

“Thank you for the aid, Regent. I can assure you that, with Edelgard and I’s skills, we will be able to complete this mission smoothly, although I do acknowledge your apparent concern with my abilities,” Byleth said.

Arundel scoffed. “Yes, very well. I have observed your skills, Commander Eisner. For the daughter of one of the Church’s most-well known knights, I am quite surprised you have so directly betrayed them,” he noted, then paused, thinking for a moment. “Ah, perhaps not, now that I mention it, considering your father did the exact same thing when he fled them with you in tow,” he said with a cold, calculated cadence.

The mood whiplash had even caught Byleth off-guard. Her mind was racing, trying to figure out just  _ how  _ this man she had never met knew about her father abandoning the Knights of Seiros. It even took  _ Rhea  _ months to figure that entire mess out. 

Was he planning on threatening her, or even blackmailing her? With what Byleth had seen of the man, it seemed as if it were more of a hassle to work with him than anything. All of this, for a few battalions?

Their interaction seemed to shake Edelgard too. She immediately tensed up, her back ramrod straight and lips pursed into a frown.

“Edelgard. Keep watch over this one as well. Remember what I have told you about those that cannot be trusted,” Arundel continued, as if nothing were amiss.

“Y-yes, Uncle. Of course,” she said.

Arundel looked at her, wary. “Good. I will meet with you again at our designated rendezvous point inside the Alliance, once you have gained control over the bridge. I will leave you with Jeritza and the battalions, as promised. Do  _ not  _ fail me.”

And without so much as another thought, Arundel and his men turned around, beginning to walk back to their own caravan.

“I will be going to help set up camp, unless you need my assistance elsewhere,” Jeritza said, nonchalant.

“That… that is fine, Jeritza. Thank you,” Edelgard said, seemingly not paying much attention to what he was saying anyway.

Once Jeritza was gone as well, the trio could only look at each other, stunned. It seemed as if Arundel was the one person that could shake even Edelgard and Hubert, Byleth observed.

The silence among them was stagnant. Edelgard glanced up at Hubert, while Byleth stared at the ground, trying to process what just happened. Arundel  _ knew  _ about Jeralt, knew enough to know Jeralt had been a threat to whatever the hell he was scheming. Despite it being years since Jeralt’s death, it was still a sore subject for Byleth.

She felt sick knowing that she had to cooperate with this man.

Swallowing back a wave of nausea, Byleth finally found the nerve to speak up.

“Why do we have to work with him again?” she quietly asked.

Edelgard sighed. “It’s complicated, Professor. I understand why the prospect is… less than ideal for you, though. I unfortunately don’t have much of a choice in the matter.”

“It seems as if he’s the one in control here,” Byleth mused. “We aren’t fighting this war to further his causes, are we?”

At this point, it was a genuine concern, given the behavior Byleth had witnessed. She could not,  _ would not  _ fight to further the interests of the man that killed her father, nor would she allow her former students to do the same. Just thinking about the prospect made her recoil in disgust.

Byleth could see Edelgard’s brow furrow as she pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. “As Regent of the Empire, he had that sort of dominion over myself and my father in his illness, but now that I have been rightfully crowned as Emperor, that will come to an end, one way or another.” She sighed once more. “Working with him is, and will continue to be, a delicate balancing act.”

Hubert glanced over at Edelgard with a menacing glare. “But he will be disposed of once we attain our victory, correct?” he asked. He seemed almost eager at the prospect.

Byleth was not naive. She could piece two and two together -- Arundel was involved somehow in the Crest experiments Edelgard had told her about. Arundel had  _ hurt  _ her in ways so completely unimaginable to Byleth. It was no wonder Hubert despised the man so much.

It was no wonder she felt the same burning toxicity now as well. Even in her regalia, knowing well she had full authority , Edelgard still somehow looked defeated after just talking with him. 

Just what did he  _ do  _ to her?

* * *

The aftereffects of meeting with Arundel lingered as the convoy made their way to Myrddin. Byleth noticed how Edelgard seemed more closed-off. Although the caravan couldn’t provide the means for being able to keep any semblance of personal space, Edelgard did what little she could to be alone, usually curled up reading her own notes or old military strategy books. It wasn’t unlike her to be engrossed in planning, especially considering what they were about to go up against, but she still barely said anything to anyone for the rest of the trip.

Byleth thought it would merely pass, that Edelgard was preparing mentally for their first real battle moving forward. Yet, when they arrived at the field that would become their soldiers’ camp, she remained secluded from even Hubert and Byleth. 

And when the battle at Myrddin actually began, Byleth realized it was more than jitters. During her academy days, Byleth noted how combat energized Edelgard, how she could swiftly calculate her movements and attacks despite her penchant for heavy armor and axes. Being able to gain an advantage over her combat partner would fill her with the confidence she needed to secure a victory.

Here though, Edelgard was anything but. Her movements were unsteady, not as sharp and self-assured as usual. She wasn’t putting her full strength into her blows with her battleaxe, either. It almost seemed as if she wasn’t entirely sure what she wanted to do, or what her strategy was.

Although this was Byleth’s first real battle under Edelgard’s command, she found herself doing more of the commanding than the emperor. For now, she took it in stride, determined to get it over with before reinforcements came, but Byleth also didn’t expect to have to order Edelgard to follow basic commands as well.

There was definitely something wrong. As much as Byleth tried to focus on cutting down the enemy soldiers in her way so that she could open up a path to the bridge, she still couldn’t help but think of the conversation she and Edelgard had with Arundel the day prior. Edelgard had been… tense, to say the least. It seemed as if she were struggling then, and she was certainly struggling now.

Despite this, it didn’t take too long for the small squadron to clear a route forward. Byleth knew their window of opportunity was narrow, and that their next move had to be quick, yet decisive. Scanning through the field, she double-checked the soldiers’ placements, so that her plan would work.

“Edelgard, take on the-” she began to command, but as she turned her head to her right, she noticed Edelgard was no longer there. Instead, the emperor was sprinting straight down the open path, heading right for the Alliance commander guarding the bridge.

_ Just what the hell was she doing now? _ Byleth asked herself. This was absurd, she couldn’t possibly take this on herself. Darting out in the middle of the battlefield would be suicide, and yet--

The  _ clang _ of metal against armor echoed throughout the air. It took a few moments for Byleth to even realize it was the sound of an axe splitting through Edelgard’s armor in one blow.

Then, a scream. Byleth didn’t even need to look ahead to know Edelgard had fallen. 

“Hubert, warp Edelgard over to us. Make sure she gets off the battlefield and to the infirmary. Everyone else, push ahead.  _ Now _ ,” she ordered, running on pure adrenaline. Hubert had looked at her questioningly, but immediately followed her orders. 

As soon as the two were out of danger, she signaled for the strike force and the rest of the regiment to move forward. Even without their leader, it was more than enough to overwhelm the remaining Alliance forces before reinforcements could even get an edge in. The Alliance commander, Judith von Daphnel, had eventually fallen, although it wasn’t an easy task. As soon as the soldiers realized their commander was dead, they immediately retreated back, enough so that the Strike Force could claim Myrddin as their own.

Looking on from the apex of the bridge, Byleth thought of Edelgard. Her actions were those of a maniac.  _ What did she think she would accomplish with that? _

As much as she wanted to run to the medical tents in search of the emperor, Byleth knew she was needed here first and foremost to direct the Imperial forces that would now secure and guard the area.

* * *

The sun had already set by the time Byleth could get away from the others. Although the uninjured had begun to make camp for the night in the nearby forests, Byleth instead found her way to the series of medical tents set up a short distance from Myrddin. She could faintly see Hubert standing guard in front of one of the larger tents in the distance. Edelgard had to be in there.

Byleth wasted no time making her way up to Hubert, who looked at her with… disdain? Suspicion? She couldn’t exactly nail it down.

“How is she?” Byleth immediately asked.

Hubert sighed. “Her Majesty is recovering well. She has seen far worse -- an axe wound to the shoulder certainly wouldn’t be enough to bring her down,” he explained.

Byleth let out a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding. “That’s… good. Is she still awake?”

“She said she would try to get some rest when I checked in on her an hour ago, but we both know how she can be,” Hubert said. “Did you know she had planned on such an… outlandish strategy?”

Byleth shook her head. “You know as well as I do that it wasn’t in our battle plans. I don’t know what overcame her,” she said.

The two stood in relative silence before another voice interrupted them.

“You know, it is quite rude to talk behind someone’s back,” the voice said. Both Byleth and Hubert turned to see Edelgard leaning on the tent’s beam for support, her left arm encased in a sling. She looked more disheveled than usual, with her hair down and her skin flushed pale. 

“My teacher, a word with you, please. Hubert, you are dismissed for the evening, you may return to the main camp,” Edelgard said. Even while injured, she still held herself with poise.

Hubert stammered at first in an attempt at a rebuttal, before realizing it was futile. “As you wish,” he said. “Do not overexert yourself.”

Byleth immediately held her arm out around Edelgard’s waist for support. 

“Really, that isn’t necessary,” Edelgard began, only to be shushed by Byleth.

“I am just being cautious,” she replied. Despite her objections, Byleth held onto Edelgard while the two went back inside the tent. The inside was rather simple; on one side there was a linen cot, while the other side had a rickety wooden table with an oil lamp and a chair next to it. After ensuring Edelgard was able to hold herself up (not without objection, of course), Byleth reached for the chair. She pulled it over so it was next to the cot and sat down, carefully watching Edelgard in case she needed help.

Although generally annoyed by Byleth’s sudden coddling, Edelgard exercised caution while sitting back down onto the cot, cradling her sling with her other arm to not jostle her shoulder any further.

Once the two were settled, Byleth looked directly at Edelgard.

“Go on,” Edelgard simply stated.

Byleth looked on incredulously. “Huh?” she asked.

Edelgard looked at the wall of the tent in front of her, away from Byleth. “You want to ask me why I did what I did, or perhaps why I acted like a fool earlier. I can tell,” she said.

Byleth remained speechless. She sat in place, waiting for Edelgard to continue.

“I… I severely underestimated my own strength. I suppose I wanted to prove myself to you, my teacher,” Edelgard said. “I know that you hate the thought of working with my uncle, and I believed that, if I could prove to you I was capable on my own, that I wasn’t being swayed by him…” Edelgard said. She couldn’t help but laugh at herself. “It was beyond foolish, and extremely selfish. To think I actually believed I would’ve been able to take on all of those soldiers on my own. By the Goddess, I can’t believe I really risked my life to  _ impress  _ you-”

“You were trying to  _ impress _ me?” Byleth said in disbelief.

“Do not misconstrue my words,” Edelgard stammered.

“I wasn’t trying to,” Byleth replied in earnest. Her lips pursed into a frown. “What I still don’t understand is how you thought pulling a stunt like that would prove yourself to me.”

Edelgard opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Byleth once more. “Because you have proven to me time and time again that you are capable. Even though we may not see eye-to-eye at times, I never doubted your ability, nor your willpower, for that matter. What I do doubt is your choice of strategic allies.”

“My teacher, we already discussed this, it isn’t as simple as telling my uncle ‘no’,” Edelgard said, desperation evident in her voice. “You… you don’t understand the extent of the power he wields.  _ I  _ don’t even understand it. But, I know we can’t win this war without his cooperation and support.”

Byleth shifted her weight on the chair, her joints and muscles aching as she did so. 

“Tell me what you do know,” Byleth demanded.

Edelgard looked on, confused. “Pardon?” she asked.

“What do you know about Arundel’s power? His capabilities? His influence within Adrestia?” Byleth asked. She would get her answers one way or another.

Edelgard groaned as she held her head in her free hand. Her sweat-soaked hair tangled itself between her fingers. 

“He… is the most powerful mage I have ever known. But, even beyond that, I think he is being…  _ influenced _ by someone else at best. He certainly isn’t the same man that was once my uncle growing up. There’s a whole side of him I don’t know about, my teacher. I wish I could tell you more.”

“Is he secretly working with the Church?” Byleth immediately asked.

“No, quite the opposite,” Edelgard replied, her voice growing weaker as she continued talking. “Like I told you before, we share a goal in taking down the Church of Seiros, but beyond that, his agenda is unknown to me. He has been building his power and influence within the Empire for decades now, and it seems to have paid off for him.”

She then reached for a hairbrush among a pile of supplies on the table next to her. She began to comb through the knots in her hair as she continued to listen to Byleth.

“What will we do with him if we win this war?” Byleth then asked.  _ If, not when _ , she thought to herself. Their chances at victory were still a shot in the dark.

“I… haven’t gotten that far,” Edelgard admitted, dejected. “Ideally, getting rid of him would be the goal, but that would be just as involved as the war we’re fighting right now.”

What did she mean by  _ involved _ ? Everything Edelgard had told Byleth was leading to the idea that the problems she had sought to solve ran far, far deeper than Byleth could’ve ever expected. Byleth committed to the war because of her suspicions surrounding Rhea that developed during her year as a professor. She figured she didn’t have much else to live for, considering her father was dead, and that going for a chance at a better world for her and her students was better than doing nothing at all.

That didn’t even begin to account for the fact that Sothis had imbued Byleth with… some sort of power. While Byleth could no longer  _ see  _ the Goddess, she could still certainly feel her presence, somehow. If she remained at Rhea’s side, she would be no more than a pawn, a weapon at the Archbishop’s disposal.

Frankly, she was sick of being a vessel for whoever thought of her as the most useful. At least Edelgard seemed to share that sentiment, seemed to understand what it was like to be used for one’s own powers.

But, Byleth wasn’t sure if any of her own reasoning aligned with Edelgard’s goals. Hell, she wasn’t entirely sure  _ what  _ Edelgard’s own goals were. Justice, like Byleth? Power? Revenge?

“Just what are we fighting for here?” Byleth asked.

Edelgard looked on incredulously. She shifted her legs up onto the bed and got into a comfortable position laying down. “I suppose… I’m fighting for freedom. Freedom from nobility, freedom from persecution by the Church, freedom from Crests. My uncle is the closest ally to me whose goals align with that,” she said. 

The room was silent for a few more moments, until Edelgard began to speak again, voice far quieter than before.

“It hurts. I know the only way to truly dismantle this system is to go after the Church and take down anyone that comes in my way. I… Dimitri immediately took the Church’s side and granted Rhea asylum. As a last-ditch effort, I tried convincing Claude to ally with me too, but, well, you can tell how poorly that went. 

“I’m going on mindlessly. What I mean is, I gave them a chance. They know that something needs to change, but they were too afraid to resort to a direct war. This war is the quickest way to see that change will happen. They want change, but their way would take far too long. People have been suffering, dying every day. I  _ tried _ to get them to understand, my teacher.”

The fact that she immediately went to defending herself had Byleth almost feeling pity toward Edelgard. She had little in terms of allies, she was the one that actually chose to use her power to do  _ something _ about the system that hurt so many.

“...I see,” Byleth replied. She looked back at Edelgard’s arm, still encased in its sling. “Do you need help with anything right now?” she asked.

“Just stay by my side. Don’t abandon me like everyone else,” Edelgard said.

_ Oh _ , Byleth thought.  _ She really still thinks she’s alone in this. _

“Can you bring in one of the healers as well? My, er, my arm is causing me trouble,” Edelgard then asked sheepishly.

“Too late, I’m already here,” a voice called out from the tent’s opening. Both Byleth and Edelgard looked at the source of the voice to find Linhardt standing in the opening. His robes, normally pristine, were bloodied and torn in places, but he seemed to pay no mind for once.

He walked toward Edelgard’s cot. “I heard  _ someone _ got into some trouble on the field,” he began. Edelgard looked sheepish at being called out. “I see one of the other healers already tended to your shoulder wound, but as your confidant, I’d like to see the extent of your injuries for myself.”

Byleth gave Edelgard a pointed glare that told her that refusing wasn’t an option. She knew how Edelgard was hesitant about asking for help, even from her teammates as well.

“I suppose that’s alright, then,” Edelgard conceded.

Linhardt looked at the two, then got to work. His hand first rested upon Edelgard’s injured shoulder, both to make sure she was comfortable being touched, and to test the area for any pain.

She reeled back at the initial contact, but stood unnaturally stiff afterward.

“I can tell you’re trying to mask your pain, you know,” Linhardt casually mentioned, as if he were discussing the weather. 

Edelgard only sighed. “You know I have a high pain tolerance,” she retorted.

Linhardt held back a laugh. “Okay, as you say, Your Majesty. I’m going to poke around a bit more, please try to be honest as to what your pain level is,” he said.

Byleth looked on, curious. Edelgard always built up masks and tried to hide her own discomfort around others, so she understood why she was still doing this. Edelgard didn’t want to admit she made a mistake, that she acted on emotion rather than logic. She would do anything to spare herself the humiliation.

As Linhardt continued prodding at her shoulder, checking the numerous muscles and tendons around the joint, Byleth noticed how Edelgard had become slightly more at ease with the examination as time went on. 

After a minute or so, Linhardt stopped, only to begin the incantations for a basic healing spell. Edelgard could immediately feel the familiar warmth spread across her shoulder, moving down her arm and across her back. It was… nice. It took the pain away, even if only temporarily.

“Although the other healers have already taken care of the axe wound you suffered, it might take a bit of time for the surrounding tissue to adapt to your injury,” Linhardt began. 

“Will this be a setback?” Edelgard immediately asked, panic rising within her once more.

Linhardt could only shake his head while Byleth and Edelgard looked on in anticipation.

“You should be able to use that arm within the next week or so. Full usage might take a bit longer, but I am not too concerned, since it is your non-dominant arm. Consider yourself lucky,” he said, with a rare hint of seriousness in his voice.

“And the next battle?” Edelgard asked. Her eyes widened in realization as she looked between Linhardt and Byleth. 

Byleth was torn. On one hand, she was just as worried as Edelgard was about what would come next. If their leader had to step back, it would certainly have dire consequences. But, Byleth also couldn’t help but feel a slight resentment at Edelgard for potentially setting them back. Perhaps it was because Byleth spent most of her life as a mercenary knowing when to control her own emotions, but she couldn’t help but feel frustrated.

“I’ll take her place on the front lines if need be,” Byleth immediately said. If she didn’t step up, this injury could potentially change the course of the entire war, and just when they had potentially hit a turning point.

Linhardt looked over at her. “That might not be a terrible idea, as a last resort. Your Majesty, I would personally recommend sticking to one-handed weapons so you don’t overuse your injured arm. Javelins, hand axes, hell, if you can figure out how to use a regular axe one-handed, go for it,” he said.

“I… I understand.”

Linhardt stood up. “Then I will be taking my leave. There are many other soldiers that need medical attention too, you know,” he said.

Even Byleth could feel the way the healer’s words cut through Edelgard. He was  _ disappointed  _ in her, even if he wouldn’t say it outright. 

She imagined Edelgard was feeling that disappointment herself at least a hundred times over. If Byleth knew anything about her, it was that Edelgard was her own worst enemy at times. 

Yet, Byleth too felt that same disappointment, but for a different reason. The fact that Edelgard  _ still  _ felt like she needed to prove herself, that she felt like she needed to win this war alone made Byleth question her even more.

Byleth couldn’t  _ stand  _ the fact Edelgard would refuse to accept the fact she didn’t have to fight this entire war on her own. Even in her absence, Byleth knew Edelgard had allies in the rest of the Black Eagles. 

She knew Edelgard couldn’t possibly win on her own, that she needed to seek out the guidance of those around her instead of acting as if every single person she knew was against her from the start.

Why was it so hard for her to recognize that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: non-graphic depictions of injuries, references to edelgard's past w/rt torture and experimentation (nothing goes much further than what is depicted in canon)
> 
> back at it again with a late weekend update
> 
> this one's a big one! covered a lot here. not a whole lot to say honestly, i think it speaks for itself. tensions are rising, but not necessarily in a good way. byleth gets a lot of information and secrets thrown at her, and her ability to cope is... not really there. edelgard is struggling with a lot, too. i don't think either of them realized how much of the past this war would bring up, yet here we are.
> 
> thanks for the kudos and feedback thus far, i really appreciate it! next chapter should be out next sunday, so definitely be on the lookout!


	3. enemies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings at the end of the chapter.

As with all things, wounds would heal with time. It seemed as if Edelgard’s wounds, both physical and emotional, had begun to do just that as Imperial forces made their way through Leicester.

At the insistence of practically everyone in the Black Eagles, as well as her personal command, Edelgard made the decision to head straight from Myrddin to Derdriu, without conquering or taking its citizens as prisoners. The next objective was simple enough: gain control of the Alliance without disrupting its people.

So far, they had succeeded; as news of the conquest at Myrddin spread, it seemed as if things were simply falling into place. Gloucester and Ordelia immediately swore allegiance to the Empire in exchange for protection, allowing quick passage through their land and into Derdriu within Riegan territory.

Even then, the people of Riegan barely put up a fight. Many surrendered upon hearing word that the Empire would promise security to those that swore fealty. For most, it didn’t matter who held dominion over them, what mattered more was ensuring their safety and a swift end to the war.

As expected, upon meeting the outskirts of Derdriu, the Strike Force and Imperial soldiers were met with a well-prepared array of defense mechanisms. The walls were heavily defended by wyvern riders perched at every corner, while Alliance ships stayed in the waters nearby. The main city appeared to be locked down, so that citizens would remain safe from the onslaught as well. While Edelgard never intended on attacking citizens in the first place, it put her at ease knowing the primary battle would be far from the city’s inhabitants.

Thankfully, the battle itself appeared to be simple for the Strike Force as well: secure the gates separating the port from the city, defeat Claude von Riegan to secure the port, and secure the city from there.

Edelgard had received word that the Alliance leader was working with resistance efforts, and that he was guarding the naval port himself at the docks. Just as she presumed before, she still knew that Claude wouldn’t go down without a fight.

Although she had considered many options, from offering amnesty to Claude, to reiterating her offer of an alliance, Edelgard knew deep down coming into Derdriu that one of them would end up dead by the time this battle was over.

Unlike their previous battle, Edelgard was no longer hesitant this time around. Every move was ruthless and calculated. Her injury from the month prior had little impact on her ability. She easily wielded a specialized battle axe in one hand while she kept a shield with a javelin in the other. 

The market square separating the docks from the city ended up being the primary battlefield this time around. Edelgard cleaved through Alliance soldiers with ease, so much so that she left a bloody trail behind in her wake. 

The rest of the Strike Force stayed close enough that all of them could effectively communicate with each other, but also because none of them wanted a repeat of what had happened at Myrddin. For now, Edelgard kept in line with the others, occasionally shouting orders behind her for the others to communicate to their own regiments.

The Strike Force pushed their way to the center of the square, where a familiar face stood by herself, now that the soldiers protecting her had been defeated. Hilda Goneril stood across from them, her own Relic in hand, seemingly ready to fight.

This was the first time the Strike Force had to face one of their classmates head on since the war began. Byleth observed her former students as this realization dawned on them. Some, such as Ferdinand and Caspar simply steeled themselves, hoping to mount a defense against Hilda. Others, like Dorothea and Bernadetta paled when they saw her. On the other extreme, both Edelgard and Hubert encroached upon Hilda to attempt to corner her.

Byleth quickly formulated a plan so that the Strike Force could get past this hurdle.

“Bernadetta, Dorothea, focus on long-range attacks at the soldiers guarding the docks. Ferdinand, go secure the gate to your left, have a squadron follow you. Linhardt, stay back in case we need you to heal, be on the lookout for reinforcements too. I’ll go after any soldiers that make their way to us. Everyone else, prepare for an attack,” she quickly shouted, loud enough so the entire squadron could hear.

Although she too had hoped for a defensive battle against Hilda, Byleth wasn’t entirely surprised when both Edelgard and Hubert continued advancing toward her. Hilda seemed to grow more uneasy by the moment. Yet, she stood her ground.

Hubert attacked first, firing a shot of dark magic at Hilda, who easily dodged it. 

“You didn't forget about me, did you? Maybe you should just let me go,” Hilda suggested, standing into position while holding the legendary Freikugel. Her tone was mocking, but Byleth could tell she was afraid.

Although Byleth couldn’t see what had happened in the midst of a scuffle with an Alliance soldier, the loud, shrill scream she heard in Edelgard’s direction told her all she needed to know.

One of them had killed Hilda. 

When she made her way back to Edelgard, Byleth realized she was actually glad she wasn’t the one who delivered the final blow. She didn’t realize that fighting against former Academy students would impact her as well, but the visceral disgust she felt at that moment proved her wrong.

Byleth couldn’t focus on it for long, though. There was a battle that was still going on they needed to win.

* * *

Claude ended up surrounded at the naval ports of the Aquatic City before long. Even his Almyran reinforcements, the one flaw in Edelgard’s plans that she failed to account for, were exhausted, having been overrun by Imperial troops. Edelgard could only hope she didn’t inadvertently start a conflict with Almyra alongside the continental war on Fodlan. It was bad enough she ended up having to fight in Leicester in the first place.

Thankfully Derdriu itself was spared, all Edelgard wanted was to annex the city and use it as an Imperial base. She had little interest in razing the city or terrorizing its occupants.

Claude was her only obstacle in the way. She knew he was cunning and a well-versed tactician on his own. She also knew he wouldn’t go down without a fight.

If Claude fell, House Riegan would fall. If House Riegan fell, then the rest of the Alliance would fall.

Everything would smoothly come together, so Edelgard could move past this and get back on track to her actual goal.

That is, if Claude would actually _cooperate_.

Edelgard’s axe, the legendary Aymr, stood at Claude’s throat. The two were equally scuffed up, clothing torn and exposed skin mottled with bruises and cuts. Claude held his bow close to him, but Edelgard could see his quiver was empty. Still, she was wary. He could pull a dagger, or throw poison at her, or-

“Enough! You've bested me. If I die here, the Alliance becomes part of the Empire,” Claude said.

Or try to talk his way out of this, it seemed.

It took all of Edelgard’s effort to not roll her eyes. _Yes, that is the goal_ , she thought. Still, she did not relent. The edge of Aymr pushed closer at Claude’s throat, just enough so he could feel the pressure of the blade, but not enough so he would bleed.

“Do you yield, then? You've never known when to give up,” Edelgard said in response. She was giving him one last chance to back down. She could have just cut him down on sight, but she was _trying_ to be merciful.

And Claude had the nerve to grinat her, even as her blade threatened to slice his throat. “Well, I can't just surrender so easily. I'm responsible for the others,” he began. “If you're as smart as you seem, I bet you've figured out why I was able to summon Almyran reinforcements. Wouldn't it be better to let me go and have me in your debt?”

The gears finally clicked in Edelgard’s mind. If he was the one that personally called in Almyran reinforcements, then he certainly had some sort of standing in the neighboring country. If she were to let him go, then… well, for one, he could certainly flee to Almyra and officially declare war on Fodlan from there. She did not know much of the country, but even she had to admit the small fleet of ships he brought in were a formidable challenge for her own army.

No. He was too much of a risk. He couldn’t just be let go, she couldn’t risk fighting another front outside of Fodlan. Imprisoning him would be of no value, since the Alliance was strategically neutral and he probably had no information that could benefit the Empire.

Claude’s life would have to end here. 

“I’m sorry, but I cannot allow you to flee. The risk would be far too great,” Edelgard said.

It only took one swing of her axe to do the job, but she couldn’t bear to look to be certain.

She held Aymr in her trembling hands, chest heaving with every breath as the adrenaline of battle coursed through her.

Claude von Riegan was dead.

The Leicester Alliance would soon fall.

She had to get back to the others, but her feet stayed firmly planted where she was. 

Edelgard could vaguely hear voices in the distance, coming closer. They were shouting, but she couldn’t make out what they were saying.

“Edelgard, the Alliance regiment agreed to-- oh no…” one said. Looking to her side, Edelgard saw Byleth next to her. Hubert and Ladislava weren’t too far behind.

“I did what needed to be done,” she explained, unable to look at Byleth either. She could feel her grip on Aymr tighten as she tried to maintain her composure. “They had foreign soldiers fighting for them. I couldn’t risk opening this war on another front had I let him flee to Almyra.”

“And if those forces come after us for… for… for _killing_ him, then what will we do?” Byleth asked. 

“They won’t. They’ve already retreated. Claude most likely hired people he personally knew from Almyra, there’s no way he’d be able to have a regiment from the country that regularly invades the Alliance fight _for_ them,” Edelgard coolly explained.

Although this eased Byleth’s concerns somewhat, she was still shaken overall. 

“And what do we do with his body and Hilda’s body? I… Hilda’s gone too, we just killed two of our students,” Byleth said, clearly shaken despite trying to maintain herself. 

“My teacher, we had no other choice,” Edelgard said. She waved a hand over. “Ladislava.”

The general immediately stood at her side while Byleth could only look on. “Yes, Your Majesty?” she asked.

“Ensure that arrangements are made so that Claude von Riegan and Hilda Goneril each get a proper burial and memorial. The Alliance should still have the opportunity to mourn,” Edelgard said.

Byleth silently wondered how much of that was for show, and if Edelgard had really cared at all about how two of her former Academy classmates were now dead by her hand. 

It disgusted her.

Even though she wasn’t a particularly pious person, Byleth said a silent prayer at that moment, both for those that did fall, as well as for her own forgiveness.

“And Byleth,” Edelgard said, calling out in her direction. 

She turned around, but didn’t move.

“Count Bergliez will have his naval ships arrive at the port before dusk. He will also be overseeing domestic affairs in Derdriu,” Edelgard began, before she pointedly turned her gaze away from Byleth. “My teacher. Meet me here when the ships arrive. I wish to debrief and discuss our next steps with you.”

Byleth was still stewing on the inside, but put all her effort into not letting it show. She didn’t think she would be this _angry_ over these deaths, especially of those that posed a major threat to them. Before, she could kill with ease, without a second thought. She herself didn’t know what being merciful meant. Now, she couldn’t help but resent Edelgard for showing the same disregard she once had.

“Fine. What should we do in the meantime?” she asked, curt and short.

“We gather the rest of the Strike Force, first and foremost. Hubert, make sure a letter gets sent to Count Gloucester, as well as Duke Goneril informing them of Duke Riegan and Miss Goneril’s deaths. All of the fallen soldiers should be accounted for as well, from both sides,” Edelgard ordered.

Hubert bowed. “Of course, Your Majesty. I will gather the others.”

* * *

The _Lycaon_ was a massive warship, clearly designed to intimidate above all else. Although Byleth was working in the healing tents far from the ports, she could still hear the horn signals in the distance when it docked. Remembering Edelgard’s orders from earlier, she ensured the soldier she was with would be attended to before making her way back to the city’s port.

When she arrived at the same spot from earlier, she saw Edelgard in the distance, with Claude’s bow strapped to her back. Something about that made anger well up in Byleth.

Edelgard didn’t even notice Byleth standing at her side, at first.

“Are you going to keep that for yourself too?” Byleth found herself asking Edelgard before she could even think about it.

It was then that Edelgard looked up. “And just what are you insinuating?” she asked, venom in her voice.

“Nothing,” Byleth quickly answered. She was already beginning to lose her temper, a temper she didn’t even realize she had until now. Claude and Hilda weren’t even technically _her_ students, but she always treated them as if they were her own.

And now they were both dead.

Edelgard sighed, deep and heavy. “Follow me, I would like to discuss our strategy going forward with you below deck, where there aren’t any spies lurking,” she said.

“Sounds like something Hubert would say,” Byleth said, nonchalant.

“You can never be too careful. It’s better to be overly cautious than risk your enemies taking advantage of you.”

Byleth let those words stew while Edelgard led her through the creaking, wooden hallways of the ship’s decks, still carrying the golden bow she had taken from Claude.

“For your information, I plan on having Failnaught buried alongside Duke Riegan. If Duke Goneril cooperates with me going forward, I will give him Freikugel. If not, it too will be buried with Miss Goneril,” Edelgard remarked as she opened a nondescript door at the end of the deck’s hallway.

The room itself was windowless, a few candles highlighting the wood paneling on the walls. Bookshelves lined one wall, while a large mural painting adorned the wall opposite. A table with a map of Fodlan stood in the room’s center. The map itself was already heavily marked with a few miniature figures in place as well. It seemed as if the war room had been used prior to its arrival.

The door creaking shut behind Byleth jolted her back to attention.

“Well, shall we begin?” Edelgard asked. She placed Failnaught next to another weapon leaning against the wall and took a seat. It took a moment for Byleth to realize the axe that was already there was Freikugel, Goneril’s Relic.

Byleth chose to sit down in the chair right next to Edelgard while taking this information in. 

“Very well.” 

Byleth picked up one of the miniatures placed at Derdriu, a wood-carved ship, most likely representing the ship they were currently on, and rolled it in between her fingers. She didn’t even know where to begin.

“So,” she said, hoping Edelgard could guide the conversation, because Byleth felt as if she would lose her temper if she said anything else. 

Which was a strange thought, since Byleth couldn’t remember the last time she was actually this _angry_. She faintly remembered the bloodlust that consumed her briefly after her father’s death, or the betrayal and fury she felt when Rhea revealed her true intentions to her, but those were faint memories, and the anger she now felt was fresh and _raw_.

Edelgard stared at the map in front of her while she pulled the nearby quill and inkpot closer to her. “We need to go back toward Fhirdiad, but it would be too risky to send our army straight there. Should we retreat back to Garreg Mach to recuperate?” she asked, attempting to steer the conversation to something productive.

Byleth followed along for the time being, mainly because this was a point of contention that needed to be smoothed out. She toyed with one of the battalion pieces at Derdriu on the map, sliding it toward Garreg Mach. She then did the same with another piece, but this time at where Fhirdiad was marked on the map.

“I see your point. While we suffered minimal casualties, we should at least let our men rest and heal before our next battle. But,” Byleth said, this time sliding a red piece from Fhirdiad to Garreg Mach, “we wait too long, and the enemy will be at our doorstep.”

Edelgard _hmmed_ in agreement. “Of course. We could rally extra troops from Leicester on our way back, as a means to bolster our numbers, if we find we have too many injured men,” she said.

“Do you really think they’ll want to join us after we took over their land?” Byleth interrupted.

“We can always force any of their able-bodied individuals to fight for us-”

“Absolutely not,” Byleth said, more impassioned than before. “This was never about them. Forcing the people of the Alliance to fight our war for us is asking for open rebellion,” she insisted. “Remember what we’re fighting for here.”

Edelgard sighed. Deep down, she knew Byleth was right. If she wanted to unite the continent, it would have to be on the peoples’ terms as much, if not more than her own. “Yes, I suppose you’re right there as well. We shouldn’t do anything until we receive Gloucester’s surrender regardless. Once we do, we can have our troops march back to Garreg Mach. 

“Anyway, we are getting off track. Has any of the Strike Force checked our numbers at the infirmary yet?” she asked.

“I was just there before I came here. I would say most injuries are superficial. Most of our soldiers would be able to be back on the field within a week or so. Of course, there were some casualties-” Byleth said, pointedly looking at the two Relics to the side of Edelgard, “but they were kept to a minimum.”

Edelgard took to hastily writing the newfound information down on the parchment she had laid out. She looked at her notes once more and nodded. “Understood. Considering what we were up against, I believe this was the best possible outcome for all sides involved,” she concluded.

“Oh?” Byleth asked, curious as to how she drew that conclusion.

“Yes. I know it’s painful to think about, but if Claude had lived, the faction of the Alliance that is against the Empire would have never stopped fighting us. To keep the bloodshed to a minimum, he had to be taken out of the equation,” Edelgard began. “What I mean to say is, no matter how the battle unfolded, Claude secured the shortest, most peaceful possible outcome for us. I do have to give him credit where it is due.”

“...I see.”

The silence in the room was stagnant, both women looking pointedly away at each other now that their major point of contention was out in the open.

“My teacher… do you see how I am approaching this?” Edelgard finally asked. Byleth could clearly see the desperation beginning to grow on Edelgard. She remained steadfast on her decision, and to see her second-in-command -- no, her _teacher_ adamantly oppose her was simply becoming too much to bear.

_She genuinely thinks she did the right thing_ , Byleth thought.

There really was no clear-cut answer, no way to truly determine what choices were the most correct. Byleth could contend with that, agree that war is messy and that people that were once allies can turn at the drop of a hat, but…

It was something about how Edelgard conducted herself. How she continued to show no emotion nor regret. Perhaps Byleth was being hypocritical -- after all, she spent her entire life as a mercenary fighting the exact same way. It was necessary to do so in warfare, to an extent.

Why was Byleth letting emotions get at her _now_ , of all times? 

“Are you alright?” Edelgard asked, seemingly concerned. It was then Byleth realized she had been staring at the wall while lost in thought.

“Yes. Just… a bit tired after today,” Byleth responded. She stretched her arms out behind her head, feeling the burn of her overworked muscles as she did so.

Edelgard capped the inkwell with its stopper. “Understandable. Perhaps we should shelve this discussion. At least we know our immediate plans for now,” she said.

Byleth sighed in relief. She wasn’t necessarily lying, either -- everything that had happened that day left Byleth particularly tired. Normally, after a skirmish, she’d load herself up with food and ale, but a battle of this magnitude left her merely wanting to sleep. Not to mention that it didn’t feel _right_ for her to be joyful about this victory, either.

“Oh, and my teacher?” Edelgard asked.

Byleth stared blankly, then nodded as she attempted to hold back a yawn.

“We will be celebrating with the Strike Force and our troops at our camp tonight. Conquering the Alliance may very well be a turning point for us, so I recommend you come and enjoy the festivities while we can still do so,” she said casually. 

Something snapped in Byleth.

That was _enough_. 

“Why are you acting as if everything is okay?” Byleth snapped. 

Edelgard stuttered, looking perplexed. “I… I don’t understand what you are trying to say,” she said. “We finally defeated the Alliance. This is a major victory for us.”

She seemed so genuinely confused by Byleth’s sudden change in demeanor. 

“I- we killed your _classmates_ , Edelgard! You could see how much Hilda didn’t want to be there. She would’ve _fled_ had you not backed her into a corner. And Claude, he was ready to leave the continent and surrender the entire Alliance, I heard him! Yet you killed him too! Surely there could’ve been a better solution, it didn’t have to end like this today,” Byleth pleaded.

“My teacher… surely you realize my decisions on the battlefield will have a lasting impact for generations to come. This is war between historical empires here, not a petty spar nor a tournament for entertainment. I knew I would have to kill anyone that got in my way. My decision was made long before I set foot in Derdriu today,” Edelgard replied. She maintained a consistent, steady demeanor.

Byleth was actually stunned. She wasn’t backing down, it was as if she still thought of anyone who got in her way as an enemy who deserved to die. Honestly, she should’ve expected it, what with Edelgard’s overall stubbornness, yet it still somehow pushed just the right button to _infuriate_ Byleth.

She knew she was no longer a mercenary merely doing what was asked of her so she could survive. Edelgard was correct there. For some reason, Byleth couldn’t just adapt that same mindset now. She _wanted_ to avoid bloodshed and to see peace now.

Was she even capable of being an actual commander? 

Edelgard was able to compartmentalize it and move on, why couldn’t she do the same when she could before?

“Why are you being so _arrogant_?” Byleth retorted as she suddenly stood up. It was the only coherent thought she could express, because everything else was too much for her to process. 

Edelgard scoffed, although Byleth could tell her confidence was wavering ever so slightly. “I am telling the truth. If that is considered arrogance, then--”

“Then what, Edelgard? You have no right to talk down to me like that and act like your choice was the only correct one, especially when lives are at stake,” Byleth said. “You need to stop acting like everyone’s against you and that you’re the only one shouldering these burdens. If you’re going to be the emperor of an entire continent, you need to have _humanity,_ otherwise you’re just a tyrant.”

It was then that Byleth suddenly realized how _close_ she was to Edelgard. They were both standing up, but Edelgard had gotten so far into Byleth’s personal space that she was well within arms’ reach.

It reminded her of her mercenary days, where the members of her father’s crew would solve their problems by fighting.

This, however, was different. Edelgard was right -- she was no longer a simple mercenary, she was a well-respected commander, she couldn’t use her fists to get her way out of this.

Nor did she really have any desire to do so.

In fact, being so close to Edelgard, even while the two were mad, stirred something deep within Byleth. It was some sort of tension, roiling deep in her gut, like a rope threatening to snap.

She could somehow sense Edelgard was feeling the same way, too.

Utterly bewildered by the change in tension, Byleth stepped back slowly. 

“Um,” Edelgard said. Byleth could only hear her as she pointedly looked away. She could hear Edelgard sigh, defeated. Yet, she still wouldn’t concede.

“I see we will never come to a mutual understanding about this. I will be taking my leave,” Byleth then said.

* * *

Byleth decided against going to the celebrations the rest of the Strike Force was at, instead holing herself up inside the war room aboard the _Lycaon_. Many of the generals and other high-ranking officers chose to board the ship for the night before setting off for Garreg Mach in the morning, Byleth and the Strike Force included. Although Byleth left the ship after the argument with Edelgard, she only did so to gather her meager belongings from the infantry camp on the ground.

She debated sneaking out again to get herself a mug or two of ale, but ultimately decided against it - she didn’t want to be seen by anyone. Surely Edelgard would’ve already told everyone of what had transpired between them by now anyway.

How disgraceful, getting flustered by _that_ after arguing over people that had just died. 

A knock on the door later into the night had torn her from her nearly half-asleep state. She reached for the dagger at her hip, even though she was certain she locked the door earlier.

“Who’s there?” she asked cautiously, remaining seated.

The doorknob jiggled. Whoever was on the other side must have not realized it was locked.

“Professor,” a woman’s voice said. “You have a guest who would like to speak with you.”

Byleth breathed a sigh of relief once she recognized the voice. It was only Ladislava. She put her dagger back in its sheath, yet still kept a grip on it as she got up and quickly unlocked the door, waiting for Ladislava to open it.

When she finally did open the door, Byleth honestly expected to see her with Edelgard in tow. What she _didn’t_ expect to see was Lysithea, of all people standing with her in the doorway. Ladislava, as tall as she was, towered over the younger girl, who somehow looked even smaller and more frail than the last time Byleth saw her.

“Professor,” was all that Lysithea said. She fidgeted with her hands, looking straight at the ground. Byleth could see recently-healed bruises and cuts on the parts of her skin that were visible. It seemed as if she were favoring one leg over the other as well, judging by her limp.

Byleth was stunned, to say the least. She swore she saw the mage _somewhere_ in the chaos of battle, but when Lysithea hadn’t shown up in either of their camps or while counting the deceased, Byleth assumed (and honestly had hoped) she fled. Yet, here she was, injured for sure, but still standing.

“Y-yes. Thank you, Ladislava. You may go,” Byleth quickly said.

Ladislava looked at Byleth with a raised eyebrow. “Commander, Miss Ordelia is one of the strongest mages in the entire Alliance. I insist on keeping guard in case she tries to attack you,” she said.

Byleth looked over at Lysithea, barely standing even with Ladislava’s assistance, then back at the general. “She’s clearly injured, General. Besides, even if she held a trick up her sleeve, I am certainly capable of holding my own against her. After all, I did help teach her from time to time.”

While Lysithea looked aggravated at the two of them, Ladislava ultimately relented. “...very well then. I will leave the door closed so you two may talk, but I will wait in the hallway should you need assistance.”

While the general left, Byleth couldn’t help but stare at Lysithea. “How did you…” she asked.

Lysithea tried to hobble over to the table with her, but stumbled halfway. Byleth immediately crouched down to her level, but as she did so, Lysithea batted Byleth’s offered hand away.

“I’m _fine_ , please don’t treat me like a child,” Lysithea said. Although Byleth looked at her quizzically, she did, in fact, get back up and into a chair without any assistance. The young mage was still the same as ever, Byleth noted. Stubborn as all hell, and certainly self-sufficient. It was no wonder she managed to escape the battle.

Still, the former teacher in Byleth worried. 

“Would you like to use a vulnerary? Those injuries look painful,” Byleth asked. 

Lysithea glared at her, wary. Byleth dropped the subject.

The two stayed silent, waiting for the other to speak. The room wasn’t necessarily tense, but neither could figure out just where to start.

“...thank you for that out there,” Lysithea began. “I hate it when people talk about me as if I’m not right in front of them.”

Byleth smiled. Some things never truly changed. “Of course, she’s just treating you like any… any captured enemy,” she said, although her voice became bitter at the word ‘enemy’.

A brief pause. “I um, I came here because I wanted to talk to you. A-about Her Majesty, and the others from my class, too,” Lysithea said.

Byleth sighed. This wasn’t really a conversation she needed to have with Lysithea. It was a conversation she should be having with Edelgard, once both of them came to their senses. Tensions were high, and she knew that it would have to be addressed sooner or later. Yet, the thought of Edelgard using Lysithea as an intermediary between the two crossed her mind as well. Surely she wouldn’t have actually stooped that low.

The least she could do right now is hear Lysithea out and stop worrying so much about her conflict with Edelgard.

“Very well, go ahead,” she said.

Lysithea fidgeted with her hands again, trying to find exactly what she wanted to say. “First off, with Claude… I don’t know how much you knew about his plan, but he wanted to prevent bloodshed by any means possible. He… I think he wanted to work with Edelgard, but couldn’t bear the weight of the impact her war would have on his people,” she said.

Byleth took this information in. It wasn’t anything she didn’t already know or suspect, but hearing it from Lysithea was reassuring.

At this point, Lysithea seemed calmer now that she recognized Byleth was willing to listen and didn’t seem angry at her. 

“I understand why Edelgard did what she did, but it… still makes me uneasy. The fact she killed both Claude and Hilda, but she accepted my pleas for mercy… it doesn’t make any sense.”

Byleth took in what Lysithea had to say. “Was she specifically the one that spared you?” she asked.

“No, it was Ferdinand who brought me to Edelgard afterwards. I was guarding one of the gates. He told her that if she didn’t let me live, then she had no humanity left,” Lysithea said. Her hands were trembling as she recounted what had happened.

Byleth had only become more frustrated. Lysithea’s words struck a chord with her. Byleth’s own doubts were not unfounded; others were concerned as well.

“Do you think she only did it to prove herself to Ferdinand?” she asked.

Lysithea shook her head frantically. “No, that’s not it at all! I think she understood what I have been through, with the Crest experiments and being _used_. Ferdinand doesn’t know about our shared experiences, Edelgard knows though. At the academy, we were quite close.

“I guess what I mean is I… have nothing left to live for, and my home was already within the Empire’s sphere of influence. But Edelgard promised, as emperor, she would protect my family. She promised me that today, and she promised me that years ago. Despite my reservations, I couldn’t _not_ join her cause, I suppose. I’m so grateful she spared me, and yet,” Lysithea rambled on, spilling out everything at once. “Yet…”

Byleth was stunned. She needed to hear her out.

“Do you truly want to join our side?” Byleth carefully asked. “I need to know this is of your own volition. I can’t guarantee anything if you choose not to, but I can try to keep you safe regardless.”

Lysithea’s eyes widened. “I want to protect my family and my territory above all else. If Edelgard can offer that to me, then I want to be on your side.”

Something about the passion in Lysithea’s voice spurred Byleth on. Something just _clicked._ She started to truly think that Edelgard was capable of having humanity, despite her questioning otherwise. Byleth recalled the multiple times friends and allies alike had spoken of Edelgard’s compassion: Dorothea at the camp, Ladislava when the two first met, Hubert probably too many times to count. 

Byleth remembered how passionate Edelgard was when she had told Byleth how she wanted to fight for not only her own freedom, but for the freedom of everyone. She remembered how, back at the Academy, Edelgard would be the first to help her classmates and help them achieve their goals, just like Byleth had. Edelgard had never discriminated based on nationality or peerage or Crest bearance -- to her, everyone was on a level playing field, herself included.

If anything, Byleth just needed reassurance. Reassurance that this war they were pursuing was just, and that their ultimate goal was worth the strife they were going through. 

“Lysithea… can you tell me about what Claude sought out for the Alliance?” Byleth asked. It still clung to the back of her mind - just what went through the tactician’s mind, what were his own goals? She picked up on some of this during their time at the Academy, but five years changes a person. She didn’t think of Claude as an enemy, but perhaps they could reconcile some of his goals with their own. 

“I think he wanted a lot of what Her Majesty wants, if that makes sense. He always thought of the big picture, of an equal world for all. He believed in the value of merit. I think that’s where him and Her Majesty have common ground.

“But Claude _hated_ violence and bloodshed, he’d avoid it at all costs. Sure, he recognized it as being necessary at times, but if he could minimize it, he would. He did that, all the way up until today. It, well, you know what happened,” Lysithea said. 

The room suddenly felt far too stuffy for Byleth, as if the air would suffocate her at any moment.

“Do you think it was worth it, in the end? Them dying?” Byleth quietly asked.

Lysithea shook her head. “Hilda didn’t, I know that she never wanted to fight this war. But, she was so loyal to Claude, she would do anything for him.”

At this, Lysithea held back tears. She sniffled, then tried to continue talking. “As for Claude himself… I don’t really know. He saved the lives of so many in the Alliance today. At the same time, this war is different from all the wars in the past. Maybe… maybe sometimes violence is the answer. Maybe he was being too idealistic. I really don’t know anymore.”

“I’m sorry for pushing all of this on you so soon. It’s been overwhelming for me, too, if you can believe it. I was thinking of going for a walk to clear my head. Care to join me?” Byleth asked. 

Lysithea scoffed. “Um, no thanks, leg is still kinda messed up,” she said, pointing to her bandaged up leg. 

Byleth paled, forgetting about the mage’s injuries. “Of course, how foolish of me. I wouldn’t expect you to walk too far on that. I’ll see to it that you will be escorted to your quarters for the night, in that case. Maybe we can have a healer look at that again.”

“My… quarters?” Lysithea asked, suspicion evident in her eyes.

Byleth smirked. “You’re one of us now, right? We’re staying aboard the ship overnight, then we will be heading back off to Garreg Mach once we receive a formal surrender.”

“I’m just amazed you’re trusting me so easily,” Lysithea murmured, so quiet Byleth almost didn’t hear her at first.

“Well, I certainly hope my trust is in the right place, then,” Byleth responded. She wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it. Lysithea would be their first recruit who was a former member of the other classes at Garreg Mach. During her tenure as a professor, Byleth frequently had transfer requests from other students, but she would always quietly reject them. 

Part of it was because it was her first year and she didn’t want to overwhelm herself, but she supposed another part of it was because she had grown fond of the tight-knit group that were the Black Eagles. She worried that an outsider simply wouldn’t be able to adapt, to fit in. Was Lysithea an outsider, though, if she had befriended Edelgard long before this war broke out? If she felt more comfortable with the Black Eagles over her own house?

“...Byleth. _Byleth_ ,” she suddenly heard Lysithea saying.

Oh. She must have zoned out.

“Apologies, I was… thinking,” Byleth hastily replied.

Lysithea eyed her warily. “Maybe that walk would be a good idea. Get some fresh air.”

Byleth stood up. “Perhaps you’re right. Like I said, General Ladislava can guide you to your quarters. She is right outside,” she said. 

“And Lysithea?” A nod. “Thank you, this was… insightful,” Byleth added.

* * *

Byleth’s walk didn’t take her anywhere in particular, rather, she stayed on designated military routes outside of the city, but still close to camp. It wasn’t long before she found herself back at the naval port. 

She couldn’t help but notice that, on the dock where Claude fell earlier, lay two small bouquets of flowers. One was full of various yellow blooms, the other pink.

It seemed as if mourners had somehow already managed to make their way over.

Byleth moved on and kept walking, until she saw a person leaning against the wooden railing of the fence separating the docks from the shipyard.

Cautiously approaching the figure, Byleth then saw familiar white hair. _How did Edelgard get all the way over here without any security?_ Byleth thought to herself. Out of concern for her safety, Byleth approached her, only to be met with the tip of a dagger.

“S-stay back!” Edelgard said, somewhat slurred. She appeared to be disoriented, leaning on the railing to maintain her balance. Her face was flushed, eyes glazed over.

“Calm down, it’s only me,” Byleth said without a hint of concern or worry. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time she dealt with a drunk person. It seemed like the alcohol was surely flowing at those celebrations.

Edelgard resheathed her dagger, although it took a couple of attempts for her to get it back in its scabbard. Byleth debated taking the weapon away from her, if only for her own good.

“What are you doing here by yourself?” she asked. Edelgard looked up, narrowed her eyes at Byleth, and looked back at the waters surrounding the docks. Realizing that she had been by herself for some time without any security detail, Edelgard put her head in her hands and groaned obnoxiously loud.

Byleth raised an eyebrow, partially in confusion, but also slight amusement.

“Forgot about the whole ‘emperor needs constant security’ thing, I guess. Anyway, your question. I was… thinking ‘bout what you said earlier,” Edelgard said. “The decisions I make have… they have consequences, y’know.”

Byleth only nodded. She wanted to see where this was headed before saying anything.

“And I have to live with that. All this? It weighs down on me. I don’t _want_ to kill people. I don’t _want_ to be res-responsible for… all the death and suffering and everything else. I just want everyone to be free.”

Byleth sighed. She was fairly certain they should be talking about this when Edelgard was preferably sober, but at this point, she had no other choice but to hear her out.

“I… I put those flowers over there earlier. Thought it would be a good thing to do, because, well, uh, y’know…” Edelgard trailed off.

Byleth appeared genuinely surprised by that. Although flowers wouldn’t bring Claude and Hilda and all the others that died back, it was a kind gesture that was worth more than doing nothing, at the very least. 

“That’s… actually thoughtful of you. But Edelgard. You don’t have to bear all those burdens alone, you know,” Byleth suggested to get back on topic. “All of us in the Black Eagle Strike Force have your back.”

Edelgard stumbled toward Byleth, placing a hand on her shoulder to steady herself. Byleth could faintly smell the alcohol on her breath as she began speaking again. Being the daughter of a mercenary, she was more than used to dealing with drunks. It was no different with Edelgard. She just needed to make sure she stayed safe and got back to her quarters by the end of the night.

“No, I _get_ that, you all think I don’t know that. I mean, I jus’ want to have someone to share my… what’d ya call them?” Edelgard asked. Her grip on Byleth’s shoulder tightened.

“Burdens,” Byleth replied flatly. 

“Yes, those! Someone to bear my burdens with me,” Edelgard said. “No one wants someone broken like me though.”

Byleth could only watch on as Edelgard rested her head in her arms atop the railing. Although she had willingly opened up to Byleth before, it was nothing like this. Edelgard kept up so many walls, so many facades, that it was near-impossible for anyone to know how she was truly feeling.

“I’m t-tired. I just… fight and fight and fight, a-and for what?” she continued. Byleth couldn’t tell if her sniffling was from the cold air by the docks or from her crying.

Regardless, it’d be next to impossible to actually try reasoning with her. Byleth just felt bad about the entire situation. Although she was angry, no, _infuriated_ with Edelgard earlier that day, in the end, Edelgard was broken and just wanted to make things _right_ with the world she lived in.

Byleth noticed how Edelgard inched closer to her, until she was leaning her weight on her again. 

“I wish you… wish you would…” Edelgard began to say as she began to nod off, “would care for me… love me, even…”

Wait.

Was she hearing that right? What was Edelgard even saying? 

Byleth couldn’t parse much of anything at that point. Surely Edelgard was just drunkenly rambling, she didn’t mean anything by that. Hell, she was currently _nodding off_ on Byleth’s shoulder, she was clearly out of it.

Pushing Edelgard’s words aside, Byleth nudged at Edelgard. 

Edelgard opened her eyes slightly. “Huh?” she muttered.

“Come on, you need to get to your room and sleep this off,” Byleth said, voice monotone, yet stern. She faintly recalled how, a long time ago, one of her students noticed how she could quickly turn her emotions off, like flipping an internal switch. _Compartmentalizing like that is bad_ , they had told her.

Well, compartmentalizing was going to keep Byleth from losing her mind right now. After having such a hellish day, and now adding Edelgard’s true feelings about her being out in the open, Byleth herself wanted nothing more than to sleep.

She hoisted Edelgard onto her back, so that she could piggyback her. The emperor ( _hah, carrying the emperor to her quarters like a child, how ridiculous,_ she had thought) seemed to pay no mind, having her bearings about her enough so that she could properly hold on.

Despite still being angry at her, still being so utterly confused by what had just happened, Byleth carried Edelgard to her room so she could at least get some rest.

They all needed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for character death, depictions of canon-typical violence, descriptions of injuries, alcohol
> 
> the wonderful art in this chapter is made by charlotte, who has been my partner for the edeleth big bang. please follow her on twitter [@pechaberi](https://twitter.com/pechaberi)! 
> 
> and this is the chapter where shit hits the fan. things get heavier, feelings get poured out into the open, it's getting to be rough for these two. hopefully, things should start looking up for them by the next chapter, but well, we'll see. (:
> 
> speaking of, this is the last chapter i have already fully completed for the big bang. since i am still in the process of writing the last few chapters, updates will be a bit more sporadic. i'm aiming for every other week right now.
> 
> i forgot to mention in previous updates, but feel free to give my twitter a follow as well [@twilightluci](https://twitter.com/twilightluci).

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first real foray into long-form fic with an actual cohesive plot! yes very exciting
> 
> i've had this idea of byleth and edelgard having a really messy sort of relationship at first, starting before they would actually get together. crimson flower route brings up a lot of good opportunities for doubts and anxieties to fester in all of the black eagles, really. imagining byleth and edelgard having to navigate past traumas coming to light plus the war they're leading PLUS feelings for each other that they're in denial about, it's an interesting concept to explore. i really don't think them falling for each other would be seamless, or something they accept immediately, so i tried exploring that too. i also played really fast and loose with the 5 +1 concept, really only using it as a basic framework, but you can still see hints of it here and there.
> 
> this fic is going to follow the events of the crimson flower route in 3h, but from a more introspective, personal view. updates on the next two parts will be weekly, with the last three hopefully being biweekly. title is a lyric from how it's going to be by gerard way.
> 
> shout-out to everyone on the edeleth big bang discord for being great motivators and for being just fun to talk to (and especially for listening to my ramblings while i wrote this). also major shout out to my big bang collab partner, charlotte! go follow her on twitter @pechaberi, she's been wonderful to work with. her art will be featured in future chapters, so definitely be on the lookout!


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